


Burning from the Inside Out

by LBellicose



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, Ben needs to figure his shit out, Bondage, F/M, Hurt, Life doesn't always go the way you plan, Love, Master/Slave, Public Sex, Rey needs to take some control back
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-28
Updated: 2019-06-09
Packaged: 2020-03-20 14:43:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 36,515
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18994684
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LBellicose/pseuds/LBellicose
Summary: Rey worked hard to get into the prestigious Ogana Prep_school, but a forest fire in Northern California forest threatens everything she worked so far for, in a rush to evacuate the school, one of the buses breaks down. Rey never thought she would find herself in the lap of the hottest teacher and the Owner's son Ben Solo.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a reposting, but I have decided to add more to the last chapter. Thank you all for coming back. I promise no more midnight doubts and deletions!!!

I can hear everyone outside my room, rushing to get their things packed. The order came down about twenty minutes ago. The fires have jumped the fire break and heading this way. I don’t have much, a bag of clothes, my school uniforms and a couple of books I’ve had since I was a small child — all the keeps sakes of an orphan.

I can see the red glow behind the mountain, and I’m pissed off. I worked so hard to get here, to get the scholarship to the prestigious Organa prep-school, where the elite send their children to become world leaders of tomorrow. My only home for the last three years, I was even allowed a part-time job at the school once I turned eighteen. Now it is going to all go up in flames. All because some fucker went camping during the dry season in California and didn’t properly put out their campfire. 

“Jesus Christ Rey, are you going just to stand there and wait for the fire?” Finn is full on panic mode, and my best friend. He is like me, an orphan his mother gave him up to the state, she had cancer and was too sick to take care of him. He talks about her sometimes. I don’t know if I’m jealous or not. She loved him but couldn’t take care of him and died alone in a hospital bed. I can’t help but feel bad for both of them.

My parents were drug addicted assholes, my records from the courts, that I got access too when I turned eighteen, said that my parents sold me to an undercover officer in trade for an ounce of coke. That is all I was worth to them, drug money. Well, they both can fuck off and die. As far as I know, they already did. 

Finn drags me downstairs so I can stand outside like everyone else. I can smell the smoke, almost taste the char on my tongue. My education is everything to me, my chance to become more than my simple beginnings. 

Most of the students where evacuated, their parents sent drivers to pick up their kids. So really the only people left are the staff and the welfare-cases, so dub by the elite assholes who rule the hallways and dorms of the school. 

I can handle assholes. It gives me the joy to see the realization that the welfare case can ace any test thrown my way, while they struggle. Not that everyone there that has family money is assholes, Rose is one of my best friends. She fell hard for Finn. She is keeping the relationship under wraps at the moment. Her family is traditional, Finn and Rose want to wait till they are out of school and in a career before telling her parents. 

I had a boyfriend, well sort of boyfriend. Poe Dameron, he was a couple of years older than me. He was sweet, his mother was an Air Force hotshot, his dad a senator, who happened to be friends with Leia Organa-Solo and the owner of the school. Poe was the sort of guy everyone liked regardless who you were, including me, which is how I lost my virginity on my seventeenth birthday to Poe. It wasn’t like a real boyfriend/girlfriend type of relationship. We enjoyed each other’s company a few times. Before he graduated and went to college, there were no promises to keep in touch, but sometimes I think it would have been nice to get a letter, or a fucking postcard, wish you were here. 

There are two buses, the traditional long yellow school bus, and a short bus. As soon as the two buses stop in front of the school, everyone loads the buses as quickly as they can. With a forest fire blazing across the mountain, there isn’t time to dally about sorting luggage. I keep my bag with me, it’s not much, and I don’t want to lose any of it.

Finn and I are on the short bus, of course, we head to the back. I can now see the flames lick the tops of the tall pine trees on the mountain in the distance. It’s still almost twenty miles away. It’s twilight, and the sky is starting to turn a darker shade of blue, the fire is giving off an orangish glow in the distance. 

I can see Finn watching the fire out the back of the bus, “this wind keeps pushing the fire closer to us; it’s going to be a close call.”

I feel like crying; it’s just another stumbling block I’ll get past it. I always do.

“Maybe it will rain.” I can be hopeful.

“Maybe,” Finn goes back to texting Rose to let her know he’s alright. 

I feel a hint of jealousy, not for Finn’s and Roses relationship. Finn feels too much like a brother for me to be interested in him romantically. Sometimes I wish I had someone that worried about me. 

We get a few miles down the road when our bus starts have problems. The wind has been blowing ash in our direction. I can see it float out of the sky like some hellish snowfall. 

The bus sputters and then stops altogether, the other bus is a little bit ahead of us about a quarter of a mile, enough that I can’t see the tail lights. We are on a mountain road, and there is nowhere for the long bus to turn around to get us we have to hike up there. 

Hux is a tall redhead, and one of the professors that elected to stay behind to help secure the school and get the remaining students out.

He radioed ahead to let them know we are sitting ducks; the other bus is waiting for us. Hux yells for everyone to head out. Finn is starting to freak out. I help him to calm down and get him off the bus. Hux tells everyone to start jogging to the bus we don’t have a moment to spare, behind us is a soft orange glow. I know it’s coming, we began to run.

Finn started to calm down a little. He’s focused on helping one of the younger students. 

Fuck, I forgot my bag, we’ve gone about fifty yards, so it’s not that far back. Without a second thought I head back to the bus. The fucking door is closed, but I’m able to pry it open and run to the back of the bus for my bag. 

When I got off the bus, the smell of the fire is even more pronounced. I took off running, after a couple of minutes I don’t see anyone in front of me, I can see the tail lights of the bus. I can hear my heart beating fast. I had slowed down a little. Then I saw the brake lights go off. Oh, fuck they are leaving me. I started to run as fast as I can at this point, screaming for them to stop. 

The bus is rolling but gaining speed. I hit the back of the bus with my hand. I get two hard whacks before it pulls away from me. I felt like crying. That’s when the bus came to a jolting stop, and the back of the bus opened. 

Professor Solo stood with the door open he held his hand out to me. I grabbed it. With no effort, he pulled me inside as if I weight nothing. 

“thank you,” I can barely breathe; I feel like I might pass out. I keep trying to draw air in my lungs. 

“We stopped for her?” I hear someone whine near the front.

I look and see fucking Bazine, the school’s biggest cunt. I learned later on that she was stuck at the school because her parents were in Europe and couldn’t be reached. 

“Everyone needs to be seated,” the bus driver yelled back. 

The bus is packed, and people are sitting in each other’s laps, Finn has the kid he was helping sitting in his lap. I don’t know where to sit. I feel large hands wrap around my waist and pulled onto Professor Solo’s lap.

“Everyone’s seated we can go,” he yelled to the driver. 

Bazine turned back and looked at me in Professor Solo’s lap, “What a slut,” I heard Bazine say as loud as she could without looking back again. 

I feel my face turn red.

“Don’t let her bother you, Bazine has no room to talk about anyone, if that chick had as many pricks coming out of her, as she has had in her, she would be a fucking porcupine.” He whispered in my ear. 

I couldn’t help but laugh, who knew he didn’t like Bazine. 

Professor Solo, the source of my nightly wet dreams, tall, dark hair, a body of an Adonis with a beautiful face and lips that could steal your soul with one kiss. Not just me, most of the female student body and some of the male as well. Now I was sitting in his lap. I had to bite my bottom lip to keep from groaning. 

“You’re fortunate I heard you bang on the back of the bus Ms. Niima, what in the world were you doing when everyone was heading to the bus?” I could feel his warm breath on the back of my head. 

“I forgot my bag.” no sooner were the words out of my mouth that I felt like an idiot, I just risked my life for a bag of shitty clothes and two books I’ve had for the past twelve years. 

He didn’t say anything. I wasn’t sure if I should be thankful or not. Professor Solo was known for not putting up with nonsense. I was afraid he would think I was a complete moron.

The back of the bus bounced along the road, this past winter was rough, leaving the two-lane road littered with potholes waiting to be repaired. I was keenly aware of each bounce my body pressed against the hard body of Professor Solo. 

The Bus was dark. It was filled with soft murmurs of conversations going on in the bus. I could feel him shift under me. 

“Sorry,” I couldn’t help but apologize, I felt uncomfortable sitting in his lap, I’m sure he didn’t want some welfare case in his lap. I’m plain compared to the other girls in the school. As much as I hate Bazine, she is a supermodel compared to me, and she loves nothing more than to flaunt her beauty. 

“you’re fine, Ms. Niima,” I can hear a slight strain to his voice. 

We hit a big bump. I bounced off his lap. He wrapped his arm around my waist to keep me from falling. 

He pulled me back unto his lap, I feel it, or more to the point I feel him. Something long and hard is poking me in the ass. I’m shocked; Professor Solo has a hard-on because of me. I know I shouldn’t, it’s a bad idea we are on a bus jammed pack with faculty, staff, and students. I slowly rocked my hips. I hear Professor Solo suck in a breath, his arm still wrapped around my waist. 

I rocked my hips again; the friction across my clit made me feel high. I was wet, fucking wet and horny as hell. With everything going on, I lost it. It’s the only explanation I have for my next action. I was still in my school uniform, a white button down top and a knee length skirt. I slipped my hand over Professor Solo’s hand, around my waist, I expected him to pull his hand back. 

He didn’t he let me hold his hand. I looked around us, the seat next to us was full of bags the seat in front of us had one of the kitchen staff, a woman well into her sixties. The bench we are sitting in is the small half seat tucked in the back of the bus.

I spread my legs, letting them fall on either side of his knees and guided his hand between my legs. I held my breath. I knew what I was doing was wrong. I felt him stiffen, and for a horrifying moment, I realized I misread everything. Cold dread filled my stomach. I was going to be expelled or charged with sexual harassment.

Then I felt his fingers brush against my cotton panties across my wet sex. It was soft, almost like it was an accident. Then he slipped a finger into my panties. His thick finger slid between the lips of my pussy. I had to hold my breath to keep from moaning. 

“so wet is this all for me, Ms. Niima,” he whispered in my ear. 

He had two fingers rubbing my clit. He pulled my hair from my neck. I felt his lips on my throat. I think I’m going to fucking die here and now. 

I can only nod. If I try to speak now, I’m going to scream. 

“such a sweet little pussy, so wet and needy.” his dirty words were making me wetter than I’ve ever been in my life. I needed more. 

He pulled his fingers from my panties. I couldn’t help the whimper. 

“Shhh Sweetheart, I want these off,” he whispered, I felt his hands on either side of my hips pushing my panties down. I lifted my ass off his lap and pulled them off over my shoes. He took them and stuffed them in his pants pocket. I felt him pull my shirt out from the skirt. He slid his hands under my shirt. Both large hands palmed my small breast. 

“lean forward,” I followed his directions, he pushed the back of my shirt up and unlatched my bra. 

“I’ve thought about these sweet little tits of yours so many times. How perfect they would fit in the palm of my hand. I want to suck on them, but that will have to wait for another time.” he whispered and kissed my neck. His hands caressed the swell of my breast, he pinched and rolled my nipples between his fingers. 

I had to take deep breaths to keep from moaning  
he pulled my knees apart again. I can feel the cool air on my wet sex. The thrill of what we are doing in a packed dark bus sends shivers down my spine. 

“do you want my cock, Sweetheart? Do you want me to stretch this sweet cunt till I’m all you can feel?” 

I’m panting from his fingers rubbing my clit. I nearly moaned out loud when I felt his finger push into my cunt.

“yes,” I managed to pant out.

I could feel his hard cock pushing against my ass, “Lift Sweetheart.”

I sort of stand hunched over, he unzips and pushes his pants down enough to pull his cock free. When I sit back down, his cock is thick and long between my legs. I thought Poe was hung, but Professor Solo’s cock was massive. I couldn’t resist wrapping my hand around it. I heard him hiss behind me, his hips bucked. I felt powerful. I had this man melting in the palm of my hand. If anyone could have seen me, they would have seen the shit eating grin on my face. 

I was amazed at how velvety soft his cock felt in my hand. It was so thick my fingers couldn’t completely close around him. I gave him a couple of strokes. I could feel the pulse of the veins each time my hand slid over his cock. He was stiff. The head wept pre-cum. I ran my thumb over the head, then sucked it from my thumb. I was amazed at his taste a mix of salty musk. I wondered how hard it would be to suck his long thick dick down my throat.

“Fuck, Sweetheart, you keep stroking me like that and I’m going to paint your hand with my cum.” he nuzzled my neck and kissed my throat. fuck I loved the feel of his lips on my throat, it sent a pulse of need straight to my cunt. 

“do you want me to fuck you, sweet girl?” 

He pumped his finger in and out of me, while his thumb rubbed my clit.

“I’m going to fuck you, ruin you for anyone else. do you want that Ms. Niima, do you want me to ruin you?”

“Yes,” I moaned, his fingers worked me like an instrument he had played all his life. 

“I want you so fucking needy that you’ll feel like you are going to die if I don’t fuck you.”

I was so close. I could feel it building with an intensity I’ve never felt before. 

“that’s its Sweetheart, come for me, show me you can be a good girl.”

I was panting at this point, so close to falling over that edge. I was there; I wanted to scream. Professor Solo clamped a large hand over my mouth just as my orgasm hit. My eyes rolled back. All I could see was white flashes. 

“good girl,” he was whispering to me while his fingers rubbed my clit. I couldn’t help but squirm it felt too much. 

“Are you ready, Sweetheart?” I could see the outline of his hand stroking his cock. I nodded.

“Up,” he whispered, I leaned forward, I could feel the bulbous head of his cock at the entrance of my cunt. He gripped my hip and pulled me down. I felt his cock start to push inside my body. Fuck he was so big, the stretch started to burn a little, I held my breath.

“Are you doing ok Sweetheart?” He stopped long enough to check on me. 

“yes,” I whispered, it felt like he cared about me; it made my chest feel tight. Maybe this wasn’t just lust?

I let gravity take hold and slid down his thick cock, I could hear him hiss his warm breath in my hair. I felt stretched almost to the point of it being painful. I’d never imagined sex could feel this full, like each movement I could feel. 

He rested his forehead on my shoulder. It sounded like he was growling.

“so fucking tight, Baby you feel like heaven.”

I wasn’t a virgin by any means, but he made me feel like this was my first time. Like what I imagined it should have been. This was wrong. I know it, he knows it. But right now, I could care less. The only thing that mattered was us. 

I felt his fingers on my hips, the way he gripped so tightly I knew I’d be bruised. He rocked his hips, thrusting into my body. I started to bounce on his cock the bus rolling over rough road aided in my mission to fuck my professor. 

“Such a good girl, you take my cock so well.”

“I want to feel you come on my cock, Ms. Niima.”

“I want your little pussy to milk my cock until you’re so full of my cum it runs down your legs.”

I loved listening to him talk dirty to me. I wish I could kiss those lips. I want to do so much to him. I want him to do everything to me. I want him in my mouth, my ass, I want him to take me every possible way a man can take a woman. 

“do you like fucking my cock, Ms. Niima?”

I nodded, I was working hard not to moan and alert the bus that I was fucking him.

“I want to hear you say it, tell me you like fucking my cock.”

I squeeze my eyes tightly shut, as quiet as I can, I whispered, “I love fucking your cock, Sir.”

He growled, I felt my cunt tighten. I can’t help it that growl does wicked things to me. 

“This pussy belongs to me now Ms. Niima, tell me who it belongs to.”

“to you, Sir.’

I could feel his fingers rubbing my clit. I couldn’t help the whine it felt so fucking good I wanted to cry. It was dark. I turn my body enough so I could kiss him. His lips met mine when I opened my mouth, his tongue wrapped around mine, possessing every part of me. 

“cum for me, Sweetheart.”

His kiss muffed my moan; my legs were shaking as I came, it felt like a string pulled so tight that once it popped it coiled around itself, my release left me panting. He bucked his hips. His fingers dug into my hip bones when his body stilled. I felt the pulse of his cock as he came inside me. 

We sat still for a minute, both of us trying to catch our breaths. 

“I could do that the rest of my life, you belong to me, Sweetheart.” He kissed my neck. I leaned forward to let him tuck himself back in his pants. 

I felt speechless, and this handsome man wanted me. It felt strange, scary like I’m not sure if I believe him or not. Poe said a lot of stuff he didn’t mean when we had sex.

He pulled my legs around, so I was sitting sideways in his lap, he tucked my head under his chin. I felt comfortable with my head resting against his chest. 

We had been on the road for a good hour, and it was a winding road through the mountain. It had gotten quiet, not that I was paying attention to the rest of the bus. I started to feel nervous. What the fuck did I do, I had sex with not just a professor but the Son of the owner of the school. This was a recipe for disaster. I guess he could feel me tense up.

He started to rub my back, “Don’t worry Sweetheart, I’ll take care of you.”

When I looked up at his face, I could only see shadows play across the angles of his face. He had the most beautiful eyes. The way he looked at me made me feel safe like he cared for me. 

“You mind now, Sweetheart, and I’m never going to let you go.”

The look in his eyes said he meant every word. I’m not sure if I should be happy or scared to death.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is a reposting, but I have added more to the last chapter.

I’m on my knees, my hands behind my back, my ankles crossed the rope tied around my wrist and looped around my ankles, he has it wrapped around my throat. He has me hogtied, a master artist with ropes. 

“Straighten your back,” I hear him behind me.

Straightening pulls everything taunt, I’m completely bare before him, my body on full display for his pleasure. I’m not allowed to look at him yet. I’m only allowed to keep my eyes cast down to a spot on the floor. 

I can see the crop moving across my chest. The cool leather teases my hard nipples. He uses it to make little circles around each nipple. He lightly taps the taunt areola with a flick of his wrist. The subtle sting sends a jolt straight to my pussy, making me crave his touch even more. 

He hums, the sound of his voice renders me helpless. I crave his approval like a crackhead craves a hit. I want so badly for him to be proud of my effort, that I’ve shown improvement, that I’m worthy of his love. 

I’m wet, I can feel it on my thighs the cold air leaves my skin covered in goosebumps. My body aches to hold this pose for so long, but he’s not ready, I can’t help the slight movement, which is instantly met with a string of the crop across my inner thigh. 

“Hold your pose, Sweetheart.” His words are sweet with a hint of disapproval

I’m going to end up biting a fucking hole in my cheek. I don’t fear the crop or stinging pain. I fear to disappoint him, to hear that sigh or see the look in his eyes that says I’ve let him down. 

I straighten my back again and focus only on the spot, nothing else, just that one spot, it is my universe in one small place on the floor. 

“You are magnificent my beautiful girl.” he hums his approval.

I can see him move in front of me, he’s in a pair of black slacks, he still has his shoes on. I hear the zipper of his pants. Instantly I feel excited for what he is offering me, tension building my senses on high alert. 

He has released himself from the confines of his black slacks. His cock hangs long and thick before me. 

“Let me see those beautiful eyes,” he holds my chin in his large hand, I look up through my lashes to his handsome face, “Ah there she is my good girl. Do you wish to please me, Sweetheart?”

“yes, please, Sir” I can only whisper. I am to be seen and not heard unless he requests the sound of my voice. 

“You have done well, show me how much you need me, Sweetheart.” He’s smiling at me. I love that smile. 

I part my lips and stick out my tongue to taste his skin. He is just out of reach. I lean a little farther, the rope around my throat presses against my windpipe, I can lick a strip up his cock. He hisses once he feels my tongue on his cock, which fuels my need to please him, I ignore the way the rope is compressing my windpipe. 

With each lick his cock grows harder, thick and longer, I glance up he is smiling down at me. Like a dark Angel, come to save me from my miserable world. I feel so needy, if he were to touch anywhere on my body, I know I’d lose it. I want to cry for his touch. But I know that will only push him to withhold his attention. 

He is hard. I run my tongue up the vein under his cock. I can taste the pre-cum from the tip of his cock. If I can just lean a little more, straightening and leaning the rope is cutting off my air supply, but I can now run my tongue around the head of his cock, I can pull him into my mouth, show him I can give him pleasure, the blackness is quickly closing around the edge of my vision. He’s so beautiful smiling down at me. 

The loud buzzing sound wakes me from my sleep. It’s still dark out, I’ve got a few minutes before I have to get out of bed and get my ass dressed for the morning shift at the diner. 

It’s always the same I’m so turned on by the dream that I end up masturbating. It’s the third time this week I’ve dreamt of Ben.

My fingers are nothing compared to how well Ben could manipulate my body until I was crying his name. Now I end up crying. Fuck, I’m lonely and horny I want to call him to come to get me. I know I’m not ready to face him yet, it’s just so fucking hard. 

I end up left unsatisfied and mad at myself for being so weak. If I want to catch the bus, I need to get my ass moving. I hop in the shower, my mind still on Ben, I have to laugh cause now I’m thinking about the bus. Fuck, the bus is where it all started in the first place. Again, I can’t help myself, going over the past two years. I finish my shower and get a dress in my uniform and head out the door. 

I wonder how my life would have been different if it wasn’t for the fire that destroyed the school, my chance to get a good education go to college become someone that makes a difference, now I make coffee. Leia Organa promised all her students and staff they would rebuild. 

The fire left me homeless since I turned eighteen and was in school with a full scholarship the state no longer paid Plutt to take care of me, that was a joke if I ever heard one. The day he got the letter, he told me I no longer had a home. 

Home? I had to laugh. I never had a home; it was all an illusion portrayed for inspection. Unkar Plutt fooled the social workers into believing he was providing me with stable home life. It wasn’t even an hour later. His fat ass was bossing me around, clean this does that, go fucking earn some money, pay my way, what a fucking tool.

I should have counted myself lucky that Ben talked his mother into setting up the school in a temporary location. A small town had a mall that was mostly abandoned, Leia rented half the mall for the classes, adjacent to the mall was a row of apartments. 

It’s so cold here. I think with my next paycheck I need to buy a new coat. This one barely keeps me warm. I can hardly wrap it around myself. Thankfully the bus stop is under a lamp post with a covered bench. The half glass wall is blocking the wind. I’m not a massive fan of waitressing, but it’s a job. 

Not my first job, that was the school, Ben kept me on his mother’s payroll; I was hired to help set up the classrooms, sort the books for the different classes. Whatever I was told to do, I did. 

In turn, I got a small apartment, Finn was kept on as well. He shared an apartment with one of the other janitorial staff. I was supposed to be sharing my apartment with one of the female cooks. Someone that left and never came back. 

I can’t help but laugh. I knew Ben set it up that way so he could come over anytime he felt like it. It had been a couple of days after the bus ride before we were alone again. At that time, we were put up in a hotel, and I was with three other students, the youngest was a thirteen-year-old.

We had all finished dinner I was walking with Finn when Ben pulled me aside under the guise of having to discuss my employment. Finn and the others headed back to their rooms. 

Ben took me to him, to be honest after the bus ride once we hit the small-town Ben left and didn’t give me a second look. I started to think it was a one-time only thing. But the moment the door shut, he had me pushed against the door, my shirt off and his mouth on my neck. 

I was shocked, pleasantly shocked. I couldn’t get my clothes off fast enough. Ben, however, wouldn’t let me touch his clothes, he had me stripped naked, and he was fully dressed. I’ll admit my sexual experience wasn’t vast. But I do know sex works better when both parties are nude. 

Instead, he led me to his bed; each time I started to say something or ask a question, he shushed me. 

He sat me on the foot of his bed and knelt when he smiled at me, I melted. Anything he asked of me I’d would have broken my neck to do. 

“You are beautiful, my good girl, I want to show you how you can be exquisite.”

I didn’t know what he meant by that, but whatever he had in mind I was game. That night he introduces me into the world of submission. His words were tender, gentle bending me to his will. He tied me to the bed and ravished my body. 

I shuttered thinking about his mouth on my pussy, the feel of his tongue pushed in my sex, pushed me to the point of almost breaking and withheld my release. Over and over, he brought me to the edge to pull me back, leaving me begging. 

He allowed me to suck his cock. My hands had to remain on his hips. I wanted to touch myself so badly, but that wasn’t allowed. Several times while I sucked him I gagged but never stopped I wasn’t going to back down, I had to show him that I could take anything he threw at me. 

I could feel his cock start to twitch, he stopped me and had me lay back on the bed, his large body caged mine.

“You are doing so well, as a reward, I am going to fuck you till you come. Would you like that, Sweetheart?”

“Oh, yes, yes, please.”

“Please what?’

“Please, Sir.”

He smiled and allowed me to touch him to wrap my arms and legs around his body as he pushed himself into my needy pussy. The stretch was almost enough to make me come. We had pushed each other to the point of destruction. Our bodies communicated our need for one another, that night we made love. He adjusted our bodies till he found the spot that pushed me to the most intense orgasm I had ever had, his moans were music to my heart, a couple of hard thrusts more, and he came spilling deep in my body.

 

I check my watch it’s ten minutes till four am, I can’t help shivering it is fucking colder than a witches tit out here It’s not like I’m not used to being uncomfortable, thankfully the bus pulls up. It’s warm on the bus, I sit in the back of the bus and close my eyes. I can see him.

Ben taught me there is a fine line between pain and pleasure. That once I found that razor edge between the two, that everything a kiss, or a touch felt a hundred times more intense. He taught me how to use that pain to fuel my pleasure. 

God, I have to stop thinking about him, I know my panties are wet, and I’m on my way to work. It’s so hard not to think about him, not to remember how he sucked on my nipples, how he rolled the stiff peaks between his teeth. His large fingers fucking my pussy, dragging his fingers in the inner walls across my g-spot till my body shook from another orgasm. He worked my body till I felt the muscles tired and strained, till I was limp. 

Then he would slowly fuck me, fuck Rey stop I tell myself so often I think I’m slowly losing my mind. 

The bus stop is right in front of the diner; the lights inside are on. I know Joe is already getting the cooktop hot. He lets me in, I need to set up the coffee makers, and everything else before we open at five am. 

Joe is a nice guy. He’s married with five kids and works two jobs. His wife Nancy is a nurses aide. She has been so sweet to me, offering me all kinds of advice, God knows I need it. Being here alone is scary enough, sometimes I find myself pissed at Ben. Downright angry for what he’s made me do, why I had to run from him. 

I know I’m on autopilot setting everything up, the dream has me thinking about him again. I can’t help it, thankful I don’t have to focus on getting my job done. This isn’t even the first time I ran away from Ben, God I want to smash something every time I remember seeing Bazine with her hands-on Ben, he had a bored look on his face, but not a disinterested look. 

It’s like a movie playing in my mind. I walked into Ben’s classroom to catch Bazine with her hands on his shoulders. It appeared she was going to kiss him or had just kissed him. He just fucking stood there. They only noticed me when they screamed: “what the fuck?” At that point either he pushed her away, or she moved I don’t know because I left as fast as I could. 

I can feel the tears at the corner of my eyes. I wipe them out. I’m still alone setting up the dining area — no one to see me get all emotional. 

I can still see his smug face as he swore up and down that he did nothing wrong that Bazine was trying to tempt him, but she only bored him. I was hurt, we had been together a little over a year, nothing official, what I mean was no one knew but us. Since Ben, I had not even looked at another man, as if he would tolerate even the notion of me with anyone but him. 

“stop being so overdramatic.” it was his tone that pissed me off like he found it funny. 

Maybe it was being abandoned as a small child and treated like shit by most of the people that had passed through my short life. But his whole demeanor about this situation felt like a knife in my heart. Finn and Rose had already moved to Texas for college. He got a scholarship; the lucky bastard and she, of course, had her parent’s money. Either way, I’m happy for them; they deserve happiness. 

And we're happy to see me on the front doorstep with my suitcase in hand. I knew I should have told them not to tell anyone where I was, two days later, Ben showed up at their door. He must have been waiting for both of them to leave; it wasn’t two minutes that I heard the knock on the door. 

He didn’t beg me back, he reasoned me again. He convinced me that I was jumping to conclusions and that he loved me and would never risk what we had for a bitch that was a dime a dozen like Bazine. I let my insecurities control my actions. 

I wipe my tears away; my heart hurts thinking about his eyes. I remember seeing the hurt. I could see the truth in his eyes; he loved me. I hurt him by leaving him without a word. I loved Finn and Rose, but I had to go home. 

Ben doesn’t talk a lot about himself; he instructs me all the time. Tells me how much he loves me, how perfect I am, how he can’t live without me. But he never tells me how he feels, about anything other than about me. I don’t even know what his favorite food is for fuck sakes. 

When we got home, I was shocked to see his apartment; the living room looked like it had been ransacked. The couch was flipped over; glass covered the floor a hole in the wall. For the first time, I caught a glimpse of the uncertainty of what he was doing. I helped him clean his apartment. 

The next week he spent tying me up and either made me come until I could barely stand or brought me to the edge of coming and refused to let me. I’m still not sure if I was being punished for leaving or rewarded for coming back.   
We continued like that for a while, always in secret, still exactly the way he wanted when he wanted and how he wanted. And I followed like a devote worshipper of Ben. 

Then one day I woke up and realized, I didn’t have a voice. I didn’t know what I wanted or how to get what I wanted, or if I needed it in the first place. 

Ben took great care of me, any material item I wanted or needed he made sure to give it to me. 

“Hey Rey wanna flip the switch to the sign on its five hon.” 

“Oh sorry, Yea I got it, Joe.”

I switched the lights on and the switch to light up the marquee and the open sign. Now I need to wait for the customers to come. 

The calendar catches my attention. It’s already May 17th, almost a full six months since I left. Six months since my life took another dramatic left turn. I wonder if Ben still misses me, I couldn’t let anyone know this time where I was going. I need this time to get my head straight before I see him again. 

 

It’s been a busy morning, Billie came in around ten to help with the lunch crowd. I like Billie she has a funny outlook on life. She isn’t much older then I am. She is quick to help me when I need it. My ass is dragging when the lunch crowd is starting to thin out. 

Beth comes in the right at all:30 am, like clockwork, which means I only have thirty minutes left of my shift. I want to go home, take a hot shower, and collapse on my couch and most likely fall asleep again watching the cooking channel. 

“Hey Rey, can you get my table in the back a coke?” Billie has her hands full with a table of eight. 

“I got it for you.” I hurried to get the coke. Customers can turn nasty in a heartbeat if they feel like they have waited too long.   
Billie’s customer is sitting with their back to me, with a hoodie on. 

“Sorry about the wait, here is your coke. Are you ready to ord…”? I can’t finish what I’m asking because sitting there is Ben. 

He’s looking at me with that damn smirk on his face. He knew he would find me. It’s like I’ve got a fucking beacon that calls to him. His eyes lower and I see that smirk disappear when he takes in my belly. 

“Rey?” Is it the first time I’ve ever heard him sound... scared? Unsure? 

I’m not sure what I’m doing, but I turn and walk out the door.


	3. Chapter 3

I can hear him move behind me. I make it out the door before he can touch me. I walk across the small parking lot to the sidewalk, there are a few inches of snow on the ground, and I’m in a short sleeve top with an apron, my skirt falls just below my knees and a pair of nonslip sensible black shoes. 

I’m sure anyone driving by would think I’m an idiot; I feel like an idiot. I feel the heavy leather coat draped over my shoulders; I can smell his after-shave.

Billie runs out after me, “Rey hon, what the hell are you doing? “ She runs and pulls me in her arms, the look of pure defiance in her eyes as she stares down Ben. She put herself between Ben and I. The look of anger or maybe pain in his eyes; I’m not sure. I know that I need to catch my breath; I have to breathe.   
I turn to Billie, “It’s ok Billie, I’m alright; I just need a minute, ok?” I can see the torn look in her eyes; she wants to protect me, but also honor my request. 

In the end, she kisses my cheek before she lets me go, she looks at Ben, “We are all in there Rey, so if you need any or all of us, we can be out here in a heartbeat.”

I can’t help but smile Billie is feisty and a loyal friend. I know she said all that for Ben’s benefit, “thank you, Billie, I’ll be in a minute.”

She nods and glances at Ben and then turns she yells over her shoulder, “Ok, but if you need anything, just yell if you need help.”

I watch her walk back into the diner. I can feel his eyes on me, that intense stare he gets sometimes. 

“Sweetheart,” he reaches out to touch me, but I can’t, not yet. So, I do what I have to and step away. 

I shake my head, “I have thirty minutes left of my schedule; we can talk then.” I hand him back his coat and walk back into the diner. 

I can feel the hurt roll off of him; I knew it would be painful. But right now, I want to finish my work day and go home. 

He goes back to his table, Billie takes his order. I try not to glance over too often, but I noticed he isn’t eating anything he’s now sitting on the other side of the booth watching me. I know he’s dealing with a lot right now, I’ve had six months to prepare myself, he’s had the last fifteen minutes.

I go to clock out, Billie stands next to me, she is staring at Ben. 

“You know he hasn’t taken his eyes off you the whole time?”

“I know,”

She sighs, “I don’t know what happens,” Billie looks me in the eyes, “he didn’t hurt you did he?” her voice is low so no one else can hear. 

“No,” I shook my head, “he’s never hurt me; he’s always taken care of me. It’s just.” I know my voice is a little emotional, and I’m not sure what I’m trying to say.

“honey it’s ok, I get it. I want to tell you. He has that same look my Matty used to give me. Like I was the only person in his world.” she smiles at me, I can see the unshed tears shining in her eyes. Billie is loud and sometimes a little crazy but a very private person. 

New Year’s Eve she spent crying on my shoulder, it would have been her fifth anniversary, Matty was a marine, he went to Iraq and came home draped in the American flag. 

I hug her, tell her I love her, and it will all be alright. 

I head to the back to clock out and grab my purse and coat. Billie is talking to Ben. He’s nodding. He looks like he is listening to what she is saying. He shakes her hand; she turns and gives me a wink before heading to her next table to serve.

I see him drop a hundred-dollar bill on the table and follow me out the door. I know his car; he doesn’t have to show me or say a word. Neither one of us speaks while in the car, it’s too close an area to start the type of conversation that needs to take place. 

The only time we speak is when I give him directions to go back to my apartment. I can see by the look on his face he isn’t happy. 

I can hear him mutter under his voice, “no, no, got to be a better place.”

I take him back to my small apartment. It’s not in the best side of town; it’s crime-ridden, and the area needs to be cleaned, but the rent is really cheap, and I don’t own shit for anyone to steal. 

 

I lead him up to the third floor and let him in. He walks around my small apartment with the shitty coach that was here when I first rented the place. I have it covered with an old blanket I bought from the thrift store. 

“Is it mine?”

“Are you trying to insult me, what do you think?”

Ben shrugs, “I don’t know what to think. You ran away and left me again. What am I supposed to think, after six months of searching for you I find you and you’re pregnant?” His voice is calm, but his eyes, his eyes are screaming how he feels betrayed, hurt, and confused why I would run away and take his child from him. 

I can’t help but run my hands over my belly, I’ve had a couple doctor’s visits with the free clinic. They have done the blood test; the nurse practitioner has given me a physical and all the necessary criterion for pregnant women. 

I haven’t had an ultrasound; those cost money I don’t have. 

For whatever reason I can’t stop thinking the baby is a he, I’ve been referring to him as he since I found out I was pregnant. 

“Of course, he’s yours. There hasn’t been anyone else.” I watch for his reaction, he nods. 

I scrub my hands down my face and plop down on the old couch, I’m tired, and now I’m angry. 

“So now what, Ben?” I watch him sit on the other end of the couch. “I can’t be your perfect plaything now. I guess you can find a new toy. I’m sure Bazine would be happy to take my place.” I’m not sure why I want to hurt him, I want a reaction from him even if it’s anger. 

He sits and stares at me for a minute before standing up and walks out the front door. I expected a couple of different scenarios but not that one. I feel my eyes burn, and my chest feels heavy. Wow, I mean what the fuck, I thought he would put up a fight. For six months, I had thought about every possible argument that we would have, a rebuttal for any accusation or plead he might have, I never thought it would be him leaving. 

I can feel it, my heart breaking at this point I’m sobbing so lost and alone. I know I put myself here, but I didn’t expect him to leave me here. 

Then I hear the door open. I glance back over the couch. He has a couple of duffle bags. He throws them down on the floor; at first, he looked furious. 

“Come back to tell me you’re done with me?” I spit back at him.

“You can be so fucking impossible sometimes Rey, do you know that?”

He’s pacing my small living room from the door to the couch, I can see the muscles in his jaw work, but his mouth is shut tight. 

“That’s the problem Ben, I know everything about myself and nothing at all about you.”

Now I’m standing staring at him, he stops his pacing and stares back at me from my small kitchen. 

I continue, “I know what you like for me to do, sexually, I know you like me tied and bound to every little need you have of my body. I used to think I was your girlfriend, but I realized I was nothing more than a pet.”

I can see the anguish in his face, “You are my girlfriend Rey, I love you, I’ve been out of my fucking mind because I love you and missed you. Does that even matter to you?”

“What do I have to do to show you that I love you? You mean more to me than anyone else on this earth. Please tell me because I’m so fucking lost right now. I don’t know what to do?” his voice is heavy with emotion. It’s something he has never shown me before.

“Anything you’ve wanted I’ve got you,” he throws one of the duffle bags down at my feet, I guess it was a lot of the clothes and jewelry I left behind when I ran. 

“Material things all of it, I kicked the bag away from me. I want you, Ben Solo, not what you can buy me.”

“You have me,” he holds out his arms like he’s Christ being nailed to the cross. 

“No one knows there is an us,” I watch a flicker of shame cross his face. 

“Marry me. Everyone will know I love you. Invite them all the entire fucking school.” he’s moved to stand in front of me now. “come home, Sweetheart.”

“I don’t’ know you,”

“you do.”

I feel the tears start to roll down my cheeks. “I know the master. You tell me to sit, roll over, and beg. I’m your pet.”

I watch him work his jaw like he has something to say, but he either doesn’t want to say it or doesn’t know how. 

“I don’t even know what your favorite food is, what you like to listen too. What you were like as a child, cause fuck if I can ask Leia she doesn’t even know I exist.” I reach up and touch his face, “Who are you, Ben, what do you want from life?”

“You, I want you, Rey and our baby. I want this family. Please,” he falls to his knees before me, wrapping his arms around my round waist and lays his forehead against my sternum.

I run my fingers through his soft hair; I’ve always loved his hair. My stomach rumbles, I usually eat lunch at the diner before I head home, it’s part of the perks of working at the diner a free meal. But Ben was showing up unexpectedly I forgot about food. The growl my stomach makes is so loud I know my face must be red. 

I can feel his smile before he pulls back and looks at me, “My baby sounds hungry.”

I’m not sure if he is talking about our son, maybe both or me. 

“I haven’t eaten yet.”

He frowns, God, I can’t help the sinking in my stomach whenever he is disappointed in me. 

He stands up and walks to my kitchen, it’s almost payday, and I don’t have much in my kitchen. Mostly ramen noodles because they are super cheap, a couple of cans of off-brand soup, the store was having two for 89 cents sale. 

The more he looks I can see the tension in his face grow, the vein in his forehead seems to be pulsating.

“This is unacceptable Rey, there is no food in here and what you have is crap.” 

He looks back at me like I had a choice in what I could afford. It pisses me off, I stomp into the kitchen and slam the fridge door shut.

“This is my fucking house. I decide what to buy and what to eat. You don’t like it you can get the fuck out.” I’m screaming at this point. He’s right it is crap food, it’s all I could afford. If he didn’t make me feel so .. shit I can’t even put in words what I think anymore. 

He steps back, “I’m sorry Rey,”

I’m sorry, two words I had never heard Ben Solo ever utter in my presence. I’m dumbfounded. I’m sure he could see how shocked I was. He took my face in his hands, his dark brown eyes full of emotion, sadness, regret, and love? He’s told me he loves me in the past, quite a few times till the words held no weight because I never felt those words before, never seen them reflected in his eyes like they are now.   
“I’m sorry for pushing you to run. I’m sorry that I made you feel less then what you are.”

Today seems to be a lot of first for me with Ben. I had never seen him cry before. I reach up and wipe the tear from his eyes. 

My stomach growls loud. I can feel the baby move. It’s been about a week I started to feel little flutters, now it’s a bit more pronounced. I take his hands and move them to my belly. He stands to look down at me, our eyes staring into each other. I know the moment he feels it, his eyes widen, and he smiles. It’s like I’m seeing him for the first time. 

“Who delivers around here?”

I can’t help but sigh because I know what his response is going to be, “No one will deliver here, someone shot the pizza guy a month ago now everyone is too afraid to come here.”

He purses his lips, here it comes, “Rey, come home please,” he holds his hand out to me, I want to take it so badly it hurts my heart. But I need him to let me in, not just be physical. I need him to let me in emotionally. I need to know that what I feel is what he feels, words alone aren’t going to solve this; I need to see him act on his words. 

I shake my head, “I can’t at least not yet.”

He frowns and pinches his nose between his eyes. “Let me feed you at least let me do that.”

I’m tired, and my feet hurt, “I need to relax, you can go if you like and bring something back?” I know I sound both needy and whiney, but fuck being six months pregnant is tiring. 

“I’m not leaving you here alone.” 

“Ben I’ve been here for more than five months, I’ll be fine.”

 

“Just because you tempt death and he lets you live doesn’t mean he won’t change his mind. You can rest in the car, I’ll get you whatever you want, but I’m not leaving you here alone.” He says all this with that damn commanding tone that always makes me wet. He crosses his arms across his broad chest. Fuck me if I could climb him like a tree right now I would. I can’t help but picture a round belly spider monkey scurrying up a huge tree. 

I know that he is afraid for my safety, but I also get the feeling he’s afraid that if he leaves me alone for a minute, I might take off again. The look in his eyes tells me I’m right on both accounts. 

“Ok, let's make it quick, I want a nap.”

He smiles, a small victory on his behalf, I’ll let him have it. Once in the car, I decide I have a craving for pizza, after all. In one of the strip malls not far from my apartment is a small pizza joint where everything is homemade. The pizza is fresh with a bit of oil from the pepperoni on the top and tons of cheese. 

I sat in the car while he went in to order me a small pie. I must have drifted off, I jerk awake once I hear the car door open, he hands me the little box and a hand full of napkins, it’s hot to the touch. I open the box and pick off a pepperoni, the cheese pulls like a long thick string; happily, I pop it into my mouth. 

Ben grins watching me eat, “I know you’re not ready to come home. I want to rent a house, a nice house here in a good neighborhood. I can’t let you stay there Rey, I know it’s your life, and you make the decisions. But please consider the health of our child as well.”

I do hate the place, it smells, and I’m sick of the drunks, drug addicts and hookers that permeated the apartment building and neighborhood. 

I nod, “Ok, but on one condition.”

Ben smiles, “anything, whatever you want, I’ll give it to you.”

“I want to know about your childhood, everything.”

His smile faltered on his lips. There is pain there, I can see it in the depts of his beautiful dark eyes. He knows my past; he knows all my secrets. I need him to share with me. Only then can I start to feel like we are on equal ground. 

“It wasn’t a happy one,”

I frowned at him and sat back, waiting for him to explain.

He sighed, “My parents were busy people, too busy to take the time to raise a kid. I came secondary to their careers their wants and needs. Nanny’s, maids raised me, and fucking gardener showed me more attention than my parents.”

I feel bad for pushing him. I can hear the pain in his voice. I know the pain all to well of being abandoned, mine had the decency to leave me outright. I reach over and take his hand; his brown eyes look glassy. I didn’t expect him to continue, but he did.

“I started acting out. I was willing to take negative attention compared to no attention. I’d steal, get into fights, I had failing grades. I did anything and everything to make them see me. I got sent to my Uncle Luke’s school for troubled youths. All he could do was make excuses for my parents. Nothing I did was right, he pushed and pushed.” his voice was getting louder.

I couldn’t stop him. I didn’t want to whatever happens I’m willing to accept. I know he would never hurt me physically.

“Luke taught fencing at his school. He felt the mind could learn to be calm by concentrating on the duel. We were dueling one day. I was pushing Luke like I always did. My mother’s twin could be just as fucking annoying as his sister. Things got heated, and before I knew it, he had slashed this scar down my face. Somehow the safety tip broke off. He swore it was an accident, that night I burned his school to the ground.” Ben sat with his hands on the steering wheel the skin of his knuckles pulled taunt from his grip. 

“Oh, Ben.” I touched his arm. His hands let go of the steering wheel. His shoulders slumped as if he was defeated. I never minded his scar. It always gave him a sexy bad boy look.

“I was sent to the First Order, house for juvenile delinquents boys home, Run by Alistair Snoke.”  
The way he said the man’s name sent a shiver down my spine, his voice held pain and anguish.

“I was barely fourteen when I was assigned to the Order, Snoke took a personal interest in me. Said he could see a potential for greatness in me. That all I needed was a firm hand to guide me into being the man I was supposed to be, instead of the scared little boy that stood before him.”

“At first I ate it up, no one had ever taken an interest in me. I was with Snoke most of my time there. I studied under his tutelage. He showed me how to appreciate the finer things in life, art, music, and wines.”

He whispered, “He was always touching me, not in an obvious way until one day it was.”

I looked over to see Ben staring at me, with a haunted look in his eyes. 

“I was in his office having dinner. He offered me wine. I don’t know what he put in it, but I was feeling sluggish, off. I remember trying to leave, but my legs wouldn’t work. It felt like being in a dream but unable to move or talk. Snoke knelt in front of me and unzipped my pants.” Ben swallowed. 

I’m crying at this point. My heart hurt for my handsome man. 

He looked at me, “I didn’t want him to do that, I didn’t want his mouth on me. He said I wanted it because I came in his mouth.” Ben closed his eyes. “He said that it was my fault for flirting with him, that I was too emotional like a woman. That he would treat me like one.” his tears are dripping off his chin.

God, I want him to stop talking, stop telling me these horrible things. But I know he’s never told anyone else, he’s held onto this hurt for far too long. 

“I tried to call my mom and tell her what was going on, but she didn’t believe me. She thought I was lying to get out of another secured school. I was fucking stuck. I tried to keep my distance from Snoke. I didn’t have friends there Snoke made sure of that, everyone knew that I was Snokes pet. One night he came to my dorm room, I didn’t have a roommate so he was free to do whatever he wanted no one would know.” Ben huffed out a couple of quick breaths. 

“He offered me wine, said it would make our first time together easier for me. I refused, he told me to get undressed, that it was time I learned my place by his side. We fought, I hit him hard enough he fell back and hit his head on my nightstand. I heard a loud cracking sound then he went limp. I fucking freaked out. I didn’t know if he was alive or dead. My room was on the far side of the school near Snoke’s room. So, no one heard the fight, or if they had no one came to check what was going on.”

I put the pizza box in the window, unbuckled my seatbelt, and wrapped my arms around his neck. 

“I carried his body to the head of the stairs and let him fall,” he whispered.

Oh God, I can’t believe what he is telling me he killed Snoke, his abuser. So many times, I had thought about knocking Plutt in the head with a hammer, but he never laid a finger on me. I kiss his cheek, “it’s ok; you’re safe now.”

He looked into my eyes, his were red with tears, “they ruled it an accident, I was sent home, after that, I got my shit together, studied hard and kept to myself.”

I hold his face in my hands, looking him in his eyes, and with every bit of feelings I can muster, I tell him, “I love you.” Our kiss is tender, gentle, reassuring. I open my mouth and feel his tongue wrap around mine. 

Ben chuckled, “You taste good,” 

I pull back and smile at him. 

“Can I have a slice?”

I open the box for him to take one, I take another. We sit and eat in silence until the pizza is gone. 

Ben looks at me, “I don’t want to take you back to that hell hole, I have a hotel rented can we please grab your stuff, and you come back with me?”

I smiled, “Yea, we can do that.”


	4. Chapter 4

We walked up to my apartment again. I grabbed a couple of things and headed to the door. 

“Wait, is that all you’re going to take?” Ben raised an eyebrow; I knew he thought I was going to up and leave with him, but I’m not ready yet. I have to be sure that he is prepared to. 

“I agreed to go to the hotel room, nothing else for now.”

Ben sighed and nodded, he grabbed the two bags off the floor and my small bag out of my hands.

I followed him to the car; I can’t help the smile. Ben was finally starting to open up to Me. I mourned his lost childhood. Knowing we shared such a tragic past, I felt closer to him. I understood him a little better, and now I realized why he seemed to be devoid of emotion most of the time. He was trying to protect himself, so he wouldn’t appear weak to anyone else ever again. 

I sit back and watch him drive, “I think you are brave.” something in me felt the incredible urge to say it. 

He flinched, “I don’t feel brave.”

“You survived,” I can see him struggle with some internal turmoil.

He sighed, “I survived to become a broken asshole.”

“You could have become a monster, one that feeds off the pain of children, or someone that gets is rocks off abusing those weaker than yourself.”

“No, I just push the only person I love away.” his voice thick with frustration.

“I ran, I did,” I have to take a moment, or I’m going to break down, and I don’t want to cry right now, I want him to understand my reason, I want him to listen to me not feel bad because I’m crying.

“I ran away not only because of you, or us. I had to find my footing. I had to prove to myself that I can take care of myself. That I’m a capable adult.”

“You couldn’t do that at home?” his voice came off a little higher pitch like he’s either going to start laughing or cry.

“No, I couldn’t, I didn’t trust myself not to keep depending on you.” I reached out and touched his arm; I feel his muscles tense under my touch. “I love you, Ben; I do with all my heart. But I felt helpless, and I hated that feeling. Growing up, it was only me taking care of me. Then you came into my life and me just.” 

He parked in front of the Hilton in the nicest part of town, he turned off the car and turned to look at me, 

“Just what?” I feel like he is looking into my very soul.

“I gave you all the power, my free will to you. I wanted it back. I needed it back.”

“Rey, you’ve always had the power to decide, I don’t understand the problem. Was it the sex?”

“No, no the sex was great, I enjoy that part of it, all of it.” fuck I feel like I’m saying this all wrong. 

“I started to refer to you for everything, what I ate, where I lived, my job, the clothes I wore.”

Ben frowned, “you didn’t like your job?”

“It’s not what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. I wanted to go to college. I want to become an engineer, I love designing and building.” 

“I’ll send you to college, whatever you want.”

“No,” I groan because I don’t feel like he is getting it, I get out of the car and walk to the back, waiting for him to open the trunk. 

He gets out of the car; I can see him watch me. He’s frowning again; he doesn’t understand. I’m tired and don’t feel like continuing this conversation at this time. 

He opened the trunk, and I grab the small bag out and head toward the main door of the Hilton. One of the ladies that work the desk gives me a sideways glance. I’m still in my work uniform with a grease-stained apron and wore out shoes; I’m sure she is wondering what the hell a low paid waitress is doing in her hotel. I want to give her the finger and ask what the fuck she is looking at.

Ben, in his tailored suit, walks behind me, he has his hand on my lower back, guiding me to the elevators. Thankful we are the only ones in the small space, 

“you look tired. If it’s ok I’ll run you a bath before you take a nap, you feel tense. “

I smile, “that would be great.” 

I want him to give me space to make decisions myself, but I want him to pamper me at the same time, selfish I know, but it makes him happy as well, so why not. 

His suite is more significant than my apartment. I’m not surprised Ben comes from money; this is what he is used to having. I grew up scraping for everything, which is why when I took off with less than five hundred dollars in my hand, I knew I could make it. I’d had grown accustomed to living well, and that was all due to Ben. I did little to earn my keep, and that didn’t sit right with me. I felt more like a kept woman than a partner. 

Ben headed to the bathroom. I went to the bedroom. It had a California King, 6’3 sometimes it was hard for Ben to find a bed that fit him. I took off my shoes, followed by my apron, skirt, and shirt. I walked into the bathroom. The tub had steam coming off of it. I could smell jasmine. He must have put bath salts in the container. He turned to see me enter, his eyes fell to my stomach, the flat tummy gone. 

I’m pregnant, so I shouldn’t feel self-conscious but fuck if I don’t feel like hiding. I grab a towel and cover myself. 

He turned the tub off and walked to me, “You are beautiful Rey, please don’t hide from me.” He takes my towel, his hands on my belly. “I can’t remember you being more beautiful than right now, carrying our child.”

There is an internal war raging inside me. It’s been so long since I’ve enjoyed his touch, his commands. I know my panties are wet, I want to bend over the counter and have him fuck me from behind. He smiled, sometimes I wonder if he can read my mind. 

“There is time for that later, my love. For now, I want you relaxing in the tub.”

I take off my bra, his eyes on my breast, I can see his eyes roam over my body. Before I left, I wore a size A cup. Now I’m filling up a C cup. I groan a little when I start to pull my panties down; Ben is quick to help me out of them. I can see the hunger in his eyes; I’m sure mine mirror his need. 

He runs his hand up my legs over my ass to my back; he takes my hand and helps me into the jacuzzi tub. I don’t let go of his hand. I want him. He quickly strips out of his clothes. I feel a tingling need to shoot down my spine. I’ve seen him naked so many times. Maybe it’s the time apart. Perhaps it’s because he’s opened up to me. But he makes my mouth dry. His pale skin is flawless; my eyes fall to his cock, hanging heavy between his legs. 

He slid in behind me. I’ve always loved bathing with Ben; he likes to take his time washing my skin. I smile the first place his hands go in my belly. He kisses my neck; God, I love when he kisses the back of my neck. I can feel him getting hard. His cock is poking me in the end. 

He nips my shoulder; I feel like I’m going to combust right there in the tub. I might be pregnant, but I can move when I want something. Right now, I don’t want his cock; I fucking need it. I sit up and turn around so now I’m facing him. 

His eyes are so dark they almost look black is pupils are blown. With the grace of a hippo, I straddle his lap. In all the time we have been together only once have I initiated sex, and that was the bus trip down the mountain.

He raised an eyebrow at me. I can’t help the whine. It’s been so long, and I’m horny as fuck.

“What do we say, Sweetheart?” Oh, he fucking purrs in my ear. If he doesn’t fuck me now, I’m going to die.

I know what he wants and how he wants it. “Please sir, I need your cock, please fuck me.”

“I shouldn’t really. You have not been a good girl Rey.”

It’s hard for him not to fall in the role of the Master. I understand it now. I know why he needs to feel this control when dealing with our sex life. I can’t help but see a scared boy, trapped.

“Please, Sir,” I can’t help the tears. 

“Shhh Shh it’s ok Sweetheart it’s ok.” 

I can feel him rub himself into the folds of my pussy eliciting a moan before I feel him push the fat head of his cock into my body. I hold onto his shoulders while I leave bruising kisses on his neck. The relief of feeling his body once more leaves me crying. Tears fall onto his shoulder. We both are holding our breath, only releasing it once he is fully seated. 

“God, you feel amazing, I’ve missed you so much, Sweetheart.”

“I’ve missed you too.” I rock my hips the water sloshed in the tub splashing water onto the floor. If the room were on fire, I would not have stopped riding his cock. His hands are on my hips, guiding my body. His cock stretching the inner walls of my sex is exquisite. He rubs me in all the right places.

His mouth on my nipples had me moaning his name. I missed his lips on my skin, I’ve found heaven again, and I refused to let it go. 

Our bodies found a perfect rhythm; it was like one heartbeat. Before I knew it I was screaming his name, the tension snapped I fell against his chest, my body clenched around his cock drew him to the edge, he thrust then I felt the throb of his cock as he came. 

I lay satisfied a smile on my lips. I could feel a happy purr in his throat. After a few minutes, he helped me to my feet and out of the tub. I stood yawning as he dry and kissed my body. He led me to his bed. I crawled under the covers and laid my head on the pillow. Ben nudged me over and climbed in the bed with me; he pulled my body close, tucking my head under his chin. 

“Sweet dreams Sweetheart,” I felt him kiss the top of my head. 

I smiled; it’s been so long since I’ve felt safe. I close my eyes and fall right to sleep.

 

When I wake I’m a little disoriented, I’m alone in a huge bed, comfortable so I know it’s not my shitty small bed. Then It all comes back to me; this is Ben’s hotel room. I get out of the bed, making a quick pit stop off at the bathroom before going in search for Ben. I pull one of his t-shirts out of his suitcase, it’s terrible with the words in gold written across the front Star Wars, he’s such a nerd. The hem falls a couple of inches past my ass cheeks; I put on a pair of panties and head to the Livingroom.

He’s gone, I look around for a note or something, no note. Maybe he forgot something in the car. I sit there waiting for him to come back. I take inventory of everything that happened today. Ben finally opened up about his past, I told him why I ran, and I got fucked silly. I smile it has been a good day so far. 

My stomach growls I rub my belly, “Hungry lil gremlin aren’t you.”

As on cue the front door opens, Ben is carrying bags in, the smell hits me and my mouth waters. I hop up to see what he has in the bags,

“Hey, I figured you’d be hungry, so I went and got some Chinese. The girl downstairs said China Garden is the best in town.”

My stomach growls again, “It smells so good.” 

His suite has a kitchen and dining room table. Ben puts the bags down and grabs a couple of plates and forks from the kitchen. By the time he’s back, I’ve got half an egg role eaten. I can’t help humming my pleasure of the savory taste of the crisp skins of the egg roll or the sweetness of the cabbage and pork. He knows me so well. 

I can’t help frowning, I don’t know what he likes, and it hurts. I love him, but I don’t know him like I think I should. 

He’s frowning now because I’m frowning it’s an annoying little circle of disappointment. 

“What’s wrong?” I can see it in his eyes; he thinks I’m disappointed in him. That hurts, oh fuck I’ve got to get out of this line of thought. 

“I don’t know what you like to eat?” I hate when I sound whiney, I’m sure it’s a toxic combination of being apart so long and pregnancies hormones. 

“To be honest, I don’t have a favorite that I can think of; if I’m hungry, I eat, if not, I don’t.” 

“So, there is no food you can think of that gives you comfort?”

He sits back like I just hit him with ‘what is the meaning of life’ question.

He looks at me with a slight smile, “I guess that would be a nice grill cheese sandwich. Two slices of cheddar and slathered with real butter cooked into the bread. So, when you eat it, your fingers are covered in greasy butter.”

Oh damn, I want a grilled cheese now. I can’t help a big grin; I expected a couple of word answers, not an in-depth description good enough to make me crave one now.

“favorite movie?”

Ben smiles, “The Crow, with Brandon Lee, he was a true badass protecting the weak, taking out the bad guys. I liked the idea of a superhero that was lost, broken but found the strength to fight for what was right, for the woman he loved and lost, an, in the end, she came back to him.”

I wonder if that is how he sees himself lost and broken, hoping to be my hero? 

“Don’t think I’ve ever seen that movie, I wonder if it’s something we can find on Netflix?”

“I’m sure I can find it,” He smiles at me like it makes me happy to be interested in something that he likes.

I’ve never asked him about past relationships; I was always afraid of being ten years younger than he might decide he wanted someone more mature, worldly.”

“Have you ever been in love?”

He chews his bottom lip, “You mean besides with you?”

‘Yes, besides me.”

His sighs make my stomach flip, I want to know, and I don’t want to know. He looks like he is debating, I’m sure he is trying to decide how much to tell me. Oh god, I hope he didn’t find someone in the past six months I’ve been gone and now that I’m pregnant that he is only going to stay with me because of the baby. Now I feel sick to my stomach. 

“When I was in my early twenties I dated a girl her name was Sabine, I thought I was in love.” his tone is even, almost like a forced calm. His eyes are dark; I can see what looks like a pain in his eyes. 

“We were in college together; I found out that she didn’t share my feelings. She was fucking our English Lit professor.” He shrugged his shoulders like it didn’t mean anything, but I can tell it was another hurt that left a lasting mark on his heart. 

“After that, I didn’t pursue any long-term attachment.”

“Was I supposed to be a one-time only thing?” fucking hormones have me questioning everything about our relationship. 

Ben smiled and shook his head, “I wanted you the first time I saw you at our school, but you were far too young.” I can see his cheeks flush a reddish tint “I was afraid you would run off with that moron Poe.”

I roll my eyes, “Poe was a smooth talker, but he was so in love with himself. I doubt he has a heart big enough to love anyone else.”

Ben laughed. I love his laugh. His baritone voice has always affected me. I’m back to eating the Chow Mein; it’s so good I’m humming again. 

“I love watching you eat, how it makes you hum, it’s nice someone appreciates what they eat.”

“And do you appreciate what you eat?”

Ben has a smirk on his handsome face, “I’d appreciate you every day if you let me.”  
The way this conversation is going, I’ll have to change my panties after dinner. Now I want to know more, what was he like sexually before I met him.

“Have you always been um,” I search for the right words, “dominating during sex?” 

He licks his lips; I can’t help but watch his tongue, my mind goes back to all the times he’s used that talented tongue on me, has me feeling needy again.

He shakes his head, “Not at first, my first sexual.. “ he closes his mouth now it’s a tight line, he has a haunted look on his face.

I feel terrible bringing it up now, “It’s ok Ben, you don’t have to talk about any of that.”

“No,” he loudly replies, he flinches like he regrets his response, “Sorry Sweetheart, I want to talk about it, I want you to know everything about me. We need this,” he lets out a long breath, “I need this.”

“What I like to think of my first sexual experience was with Sabine, she had more experience then I did, I followed her lead. I don’t think I was good at it. She never said anything, but she felt distant, after the first time we had sex. She made it feel like a chore. When I asked her what I could do to make her enjoy it, she’d always tell me she was fine.”

It felt strange hearing him say these things knowing how he is with me, in the bedroom, he is Sir, my master, and lover. His confidence never left me wondering or worrying following his orders; it has always felt natural; he has never left me unsatisfied.

“I was having a hard time letting go what Snoke did to me; sex still felt frightening to me. I felt weak; it was about six months after Sabine that I met Aayla. She was a submissive; she kept referring to me as the master. She wanted me to tie her up, to take control. It felt natural, powerful to have her submit her body to me, I didn’t realize it at the time, but I can look back and see by being dominating in this way was freeing me. I wanted to give her pleasure, unlike Snoke, that only sought to take what he wanted without regard to anyone else.”

I’m taking in everything he’s saying; I can see how his experiences have chiseled out the man before me. When I look at him, he seems uncertain.

“Do you ever regret that day on the bus?” He’s not looking at me when he asks; I think he’s afraid to see what my answer would be.

“No, I’ve always wanted you. The first time I saw you, I thought you were the most handsome man I’d ever seen.” I smile at him when he looks up at me. 

“I used to masturbate at night thinking about what it would be like to be with you. Most of the girls had a mad crush on you.”

He grins at me and takes my hand in his; he kisses each of my fingers. 

“We’re you wishing these little fingers were mine?” 

I can’t help but squirm in my seat he’s sucking on my index finger. 

“Did you use this finger on that sweet little pussy, rubbing your clit calling out my name?”

I can only nod his voice has me hypnotized. My food forgotten he’s on his knees pulling my chair around, so I’m now facing him. 

“Scoot forward Sweetheart,” he has his hands on either of my knees pushing them apart. 

I push my ass to the edge of the chair like he’s asked, I lean back and open myself up to him. He licks his lips again; He reminds me of a wolf about to eat his prey. He looks up his pupils blown, he smiles and kisses my round belly. 

“You are so beautiful,” he kisses my belly again a little lower, I feel his fingers pulling at the elastic band of my panties. “Lift.”

I lift my ass off the chair enough for him to pull them down. He moves lower, kissing each hip, he is drawing it out, making me whine wanting to feel his lips and tongue on my sex. When he finally touches my clit, my hips jerk forward pushing myself to his warm mouth. He’s eating me out in earnest, the lewd sucking and moans fill the kitchen. Each time he laps at my clit, I’m pulling his hair pushing his mouth closer. 

Six months, it’s been a long dry six months, and I’m going to fucking lose it. I cry out his name when I feel him shoving his two thick fingers in my pussy; he knows my body. He knows where to rub, how to use his tongue on my clit. I feel like I’m going to come unglued, I’m painting when I climax, tears running down my face. 

He kisses the inside of my thigh and glances up under long lashes, “Better than your fingers?”

 

I have to laugh, “Just a smidge better.”

He stands up and wipes his mouth off on a napkin from the Chinese takeout. “I’ve wanted to do that for a while.” 

He smiles. I know he doesn’t want to remind me again that I was the one that took off. I stand up and pull him down to my kiss; I can taste myself on his lips. I wrap my tongue around him, his kisses always felt passionate, even when they were quick stolen moments at the school when it was not appropriate to see each other. 

“How about that movie?” I want to relax on the couch, put my feet up, and veg. Maybe Ben will still be willing to answer my questions. 

“Sure, let me put this food away.” I see him moving all the leftovers to the small apartment size fridge. Watching him, I start to wonder if he has always been so domestic. Thinking about the past two years together, he was usually the one cooking or cleaning. 

I grab the dishes and take them to the sink. Ben looks back at me and moves to make the dishes from my hands.

“I’ve got it Sweetheart go sit down and relax.”

“I want to help. I don’t want you doing everything taking care of me. I can handle the dishes.”

He stands there watching me he’s chewing on his bottom lip. He does that when he wants to say something but not sure if he should. 

“I like taking care of you,” he says in a low voice. 

“I know you do, but I want us to take care of each other. So that means we work together.”

“You’re right,” he smiles at me, “thank you, Sweetheart.” 

progress today has been several steps in the right direction, I’m happier then I’ve been in a long time.   
“When is your next prenatal visit I’d like to go with you if you’re ok with that.” He asks with such enthusiasm that it makes me feel nervous how he’s going to take what I say next. 

“I don’t have an appointment set up yet.”

He frowns, “I thought they make those appointments monthly, don’t they?”

 

“I don’t have an ob/gyn yet, I’ve been to the free clinic to see the nurse there.”

He’s shaking his head, “Rey, you have to go to a doctor, A real doctor. This is the health of our baby.” He walks over and takes me in his arms. 

“I know, I’m sorry I didn’t have the money.” I feel like a terrible mother. 

Ben nods, “it’s ok, you’ve been healthy, I’m sure he’s healthy as well. We’ll make an appointment as soon as possible. I know you want to make your way I get it, and I’m trying honestly to God I am Rey, but please let me help take care of this. He’s our son and part of my responsibility. ”

I hear him and understand that I need help. He is the father and deserves to be part of this process. 

“I’ll ask Joe tomorrow who Nancy’s ob/gyn is, she has five kids, so I’m sure they are an excellent doctor.”

“You’re going to work tomorrow?” He asked like I was joking.

“yes, I’m scheduled to work, I’m not quitting my job because you’re here now.” I can see him struggle with this. 

“Ben, “ I want to explain why I want to keep my job.

He holds up his hands, “No, I get it. You want to be independent. You don’t have to explain. You’re a big girl and know what you want to do. Just let me know where I can fit in if you still want me too.”

“God, do you always have to be an asshole?” I’m yelling at him now, and I feel the tears stinging my eyes. 

“Why because I want to take care of you? Because I don’t want to see, you work your ass off until you’re dead tired. I don’t know what you want from me, Rey? Please tell me what I can or can’t do?”

“First stop assuming that I need your help, I was doing just fine on my own.” God, I want to smack the taste out of his mouth.

“Yeah living in a crime ridden shit hole, endangering yourself and our child.”

“Leave him out of this. This isn’t about the baby it’s about me having control of my life.”

“Why does that control mean I can’t help you? Where does that leave me in your life? You’ve been working hard for six months Rey, I’m asking for the last three, let me help you. Once the baby is born and you’re ready to hit the workforce, I’ll be behind you one hundred percent. Fuck you can take care of me if you want.” He’s standing in front of me, wiping the tears out of my eyes.

“I’m sorry, I am an asshole, I love you, Rey, I want to give you the world on a platter because you deserve it. Because you make me feel like I can be loved,” he says the last word so quietly I barely hear it.

Great now we are both crying, “I need a little time to get it all worked out, I want you in my life, Ben. I truly do, I can’t just quit and leave them hanging, Joe gave me a job and helped me out so many times, I need to do this my way. I’ll let you help me. I want you to help me and be a part of all of this. But you have to let me do it my way. Ok?”

He looks like a big scared kid, his long dark hair hanging in his face. He looks in my eyes, I can tell he isn’t happy about it, but there is a resolve there as well to let me do it my way. “Ok, whatever you need to do Rey, I’m here for you.”

He has me in his arms. I rest my head against his broad chest, “thank you.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've decided to add another chapter to this story, so If you've read the story already, wait for chapter 10. If not I hope you enjoy it!! thank you all

We end up watching some documentary Into the Inferno about volcanoes in Iceland, Korea, and Indonesia. It turns out that Ben had been to see Mount Sinaburg in Indonesia. He tells me about all the foreign places he went to after he graduated from college. It was a gift from his parents to see the world. I can hear a heaviness in his tone.

“You didn’t like traveling to all those beautiful places?” sometimes I feel a little put off by what feels like his indifference to what he had been gifted. 

“No, I loved it, it was amazing. I hope one day I can take you to all those places so you can see yourself. I was struggling after college, I needed my families to support, and they sent me away.”

There it is that heaviness the sadness that seems to blanket his past, coloring all the good that he had experience in life with a foul taste in his mouth. 

He groaned I could see he is annoyed with himself, “I sound like a whiney rich kid handed everything and ungrateful. I don’t mean to sound ungrateful, I just wanted to spend time with them, and they couldn’t be bothered.” he runs a hand through his hair, “This is why I hate talking about this shit.”

He’s sitting on the other side of the couch, I crawl over and climb into his lap. I can see the smile on his lips. He holds me like I’m the one that needs comforting. I look up into his face; the room is dim it’s getting late the only light is from the tv casting shadows across his face. 

“Having money or things do not replace love, Ben. The pain and loneliness you’ve felt are as real and valid as anyone else. I think you’re brave for everything you’ve lived through to be a good man.”

He huffs and laughs, “You make it sound like I’m some dark knight a hero to save the day.”

“You are my hero,” He gives me a look like he could devour me whole. He crushes his lips to mine as he needs me more than oxygen. It’s okay because I feel it too. His kisses leave me breathless; I sigh, resting in his lap. 

I feel the pressure in my bladder, running off to the bathroom breaks the spell. In the end, it was better because I do need to get some sleep, my midday nap was nice but I’m still tired, and four am comes early. At least I know I won’t have to stand out in the cold waiting for the damn bus. 

I’m sitting on the toilet eyeing the shower; it’s one of those with the sprays from two different angles. Now I want a shower; I finish my business and flush.

“I’m going to take a shower,” I yell out to let him know I haven’t died in here. 

I’ve no sooner got the shirt and panties off, that Ben is buck ass naked standing behind me. He has a wolfish look in his eyes. 

“No funny business, I need to get some sleep.”

He’s got his hands in the air a look like what me? 

“I just want to wash you’re back and other hard to reach areas Sweetheart.”

The hot water spraying across my body in heaven, it has a pulse jet spray that is just so relaxing I could stand here all day. Ben is behind me, washing my hair. The first time we showered together, he insisted on bathing me, washing my hair taking care of me. 

He’s busy with a washcloth cleaning every inch of my body. He rinses my hair of the conditioner; he kisses my neck. Generally at this point is when he would lift me and I’d wrap my legs around his thighs, and he’d fuck me senseless in the shower against the tile wall. 

With a six-month pregnant belly that isn’t possible, nor should it be tried, in my opinion, and he’s too tall to bend me over and fuck me from behind. His big hands rub my belly, and I feel him run one hand down between my legs. 

I love his wonderfully dexterous fingers, the way his digits gently push through the lips of my pussy. I lean back and let him pleasure me; I can feel his hard cock pressed into my back. 

He pumps two large fingers into my body; I cry out, feeling the intense pleasure he skillfully extorts from me. My moans and whimpers echo off the tile in the shower. He’s hitting that spot I can’t seem to hit with my fingers.

The tingling feeling in the pit of my stomach turns into an electrical jolt down my spine when I come on his fingers, his lips on my neck.

He turns me around to kiss me; his tongue is making an assault pressing its way into my mouth to wrap around my tongue. He tastes sweet, like the sweet and sour chicken he was eating earlier. I take him in my hand, his thick cock is hot to the touch, and his hips jerks forward at my touch.

He rests his forehead against mine, “You don’t have to Sweetheart. I know you’re tired.”

I smile, “Oh, but I want too, I want to see you come. I want to watch you fall apart. I want to feel every thrust and moan you give me; I want to feel that control.”

He is kissing me again; my hand runs over the smooth skin of his cock, he’s hard, like a steel pipe covered in velvet, I can feel how he throbs in my hand; my stroke quickens, he’s breathing heavy on my shoulder. 

“Fuck baby,” he groans in my ear, I have to admit I like this of having control over this strong man. 

“Kiss me,” I tell him breathlessly, his lips are on mine without hesitation or question. I have my other hand on his chest right over his pounding heart; he’s jerking his hips into my hand. Fuck if I don’t feel like I could come again.

“Touch me,” my voice sounds so wanton I should feel embarrassed how needy I sound now, but again without question or delay, he follows my demands. 

I can feel it; he’s going to come; his cock is practically pulsating in my hand. Oh God, the moment he touches my clit, I want to cry, my moans join his. He is practically fucking my hand; his spine straightens he groans and his cum splashes across my belly, the water washes it off just as fast. 

His eyes are dark, his breath comes out in a long huff, his fingers pushing me to my second orgasm. My legs tremble as he works me through the orgasm; he holds me as I feel my knees weak.

He kisses my head, “you are amazing,” he’s holding me tightly to his warm wet body, “I don’t deserve you, I love you so much.” 

I melt into him; we stand there for a couple of minutes before he shuts the water off and helps me out of the shower. I can walk and do all this myself; I’ve been doing it alone for the past six months. But now I crave his attention and let him take care of me. 

After he dries me off, I crawl into the bed; Ben is right behind me, pulling my naked body to his spooning my back. He sets the alarm on his cell for four in the morning. I know he isn’t happy about it, but he hasn’t said anything else about me working. 

I’m five years old holding my mother’s hand; we are walking down a long road. I can’t see anything, but the road before me, I look up to see her, but there is a light in my eyes. I’m alone; I’m alone crying on a road that leads to no-where. 

I hear a voice, “Wait here, Sweetheart, I’ll be back I promise.” it’s not my mother's voice, I don’t know who is talking I beg them to come back. 

“Rey,” I feel him shaking me, “baby wake up, you’re dreaming wake up, Sweetheart.”

I can’t see his face, but I know Ben is staring at me; there is the concerned tone to his voice, my cheeks feel wet. “You were crying in your sleep, are you ok?”

I sniff and wipe the tears from my cheeks, the dream slipping from my grasp. “Yeah, I think I was dreaming of my mother.” my voice sounds so insignificant, I hate how lost I seem. The more I try to think about the dream, the quicker it fades, leaving me only the feeling of being so alone.

The alarm on his phone slices through the quiet in the room, making us both jerk away from the sound of the alarm. 

I start laughing because I fucking hate waking up minutes before I have to get up. Sleep is precious to me right now. I groan laying there with my head on his muscular chest, listening to his heartbeat.   
“You know,” I cut him off before he says anything else, “I’m getting ready,” and with that, I crawl over him and out of bed. I hear him sigh and the bed creaks as he gets out of bed to get dressed as well. 

We walk out to his car, he keeps glancing over at me, I can feel it coming he wants to say something, but he is gun shy now, I want to laugh if it didn’t feel so exhausting. It’s not his fault or mine; I hope it’s not mine. But life is complicated; relationships are complicated.

“If you have something you want to say, please say it.”

We get in his car; I buckle my seatbelt waiting for him to say what he’s got to say. 

He sighs, “Ok fine; I want to buy you a new coat. that one looks like it barely fits you and honestly looks like shit.”

I huff out a laugh, “That would be sweet.”

He’s watching the road; I can see the curl of his lip from the glow of the dashboard lights. 

“I don’t want you to feel like you don’t have a say in this, I want us to talk about it.” 

He nods, “I agree, keeping our thoughts to ourselves as proved to be problematic at best.”

He pulls up into the diner parking lot; the diner is still dark, it's only four thirty I can’t help the sigh, I am so used to waiting on a bus that I didn’t think Ben would get us here with so much time to spare. 

“So, when you talk to Joe?” he says it like he is asking I nod. He smiles, “so once you have the name of the doctor, you are ok with me paying the medical bills?”

“Yes, I know, I know I need your help and you are right this baby is part of you. And you are part of the responsibility for our child’s care. And I want you at every appointment.” 

I feel like I can feel the happiness pour off Ben, he’s all grins now. 

He takes a big breath; he’s gearing up for the big question. “How long do you intend on working?”

I’d love to quit right now, but Joe is great, and I refuse to leave him short-handed, and I don’t want Ben thinking I just gave up without much of a fight. I want him to take me seriously. 

“I’ll quit once he finds a replacement.” I reach my hand out to him, he looks at my hand before taking it in his and kisses the back of my hand, then my wrist. 

“I can accept that, but at any time you start feeling tired or sick or anything at all that makes you think the baby might be at risk you’ll quit?” He asked a question, but it sure felt more like a demand. 

I want to tell him that I’ll be the one to make that decision, but then again he is right it’s not just me cruising around in this body, I have a child to worry about. “Ok, I can live with that.”

“Sweetheart, any time you feel like I’ve overstepped my bounds or that I’m not listening, please tell me. Give me a chance to correct my mistakes. I felt broken the day I found you gone.” his voice is low; his tone laced with hurt and a little anger. 

“I promise I will not leave you again without first giving you a chance to make it right.” I hate the pain I’ve cause both of us leaving, but I honestly don’t think anything would have changed if I had not stepped back and let him feel my absence. Not because I didn’t know he loved me, but he was far too complacent to change at the time. 

Joe parked his old truck next to Ben’s new black Audi, we both get out of the car. 

“Morning Rey and?” Joe looks at Rey to make the introductions.

Ben stepped forward and held out his hand, “Ben Solo.”

Joe smiles and shakes Ben’s hand, he smiles and winks at Rey, “It’s colder than a polar bears nut sack stuck to an iceberg, let’s get inside.”

Ben and I laugh, Joe is full of these little puns he is a great boss. I bite my lip, but there isn’t a good time to tell your boss you are going to quit, but now I have to start making the change for my future. 

“Joe, I’ve got to talk to you.”

He holds up his hand, “it’s ok Rey, I put an ad in the paper yesterday for a new waitress.” He smiles, giving her a wink. 

Ben is fucking grinning like the goddamn cat that ate the cream. I give him a frown, the bastard smirks. 

“Who was Nancy’s ob/gyn I need to make an appointment.”

Joe stop and looks at me, my stomach drops, “You haven’t been to see a doctor? Damn it, Rey, this isn’t the damn flu,” he’s pointing to my stomach. Joe is almost twenty years older than me and has treated me like one of his daughters, so I don’t feel right about telling him to mind his own business. He cares about me; I feel my face turn red. 

He writes down the doctor's name and phone number and hands it to Ben, “This is your responsibility, makes sure she is taken care of,” 

“Yes, Sir, I intend to make sure she wants for nothing.”

Joe smacks him on the shoulder, “Goodman, I need to get the kitchen ready. You’re welcome to warm a seat while we get this place set up.”

Joe walks to the back; I move to the coffee makers to start brewing the four different flavors of coffee we offer. I glance over at Ben, expecting him to have that damn smirk on his face. He doesn’t he’s looking at his phone, putting the doctor's info in his phone. 

“Dr. Ahsoka Tano, according to her profile she has been an ob/gyn for the past forty years.” he looks up and smiles. 

Once the coffee is brewed I take Ben a cup he grins and swats my ass then blows me a kiss. Ben stays out of the way, Joe fixes him and me a quick breakfast and insist I eat before the diner opens. 

Usually, I’d have a cup of coffee and muffin; today, Joe fixes me a ham and cheese omelet, Ben gets the same thing. We both enjoy food. Five am rolls around, and before I know, people are slowly filling the diner for breakfast. 

On the past to get a customer more coffee, I see Ben standing putting on his coat. He ignores the diner full of people to kiss my cheek; I’m going to buy that coat and set up an appointment with Dr. Tano.   
I smile and nod; I’m nervous to see the doctor. I’m terrified in my stubborn need to stand on my own might have jeopardized the health of our son. 

It’s almost noon when Ben shows up; he sits down in a booth with a new coat on his arm. I clock out and find been looking at the menu. He hands me a beautiful black coat, it’s 100% wool, and I’m sure cost more than my weekly paycheck. I try it on it wraps around my swollen belly with ease, I take it off and plop down in the seat across from him.

“Thank you. It’s beautiful.”

He smiles, “You have an appointment with Dr. Tano at three this afternoon,”

Shit, this was happening faster then I expected. “Ok,” I can do this, I need to do this, I want to whine and go back to the hotel and crash. 

Billie smiles at Ben, “glad to see you got her to come around; she is a special girl.”

Ben smiles, “She is everything to me.”

Billie beams a brilliant smile at him, “I’m glad, I’d hate to have to kick your tall ass for you.”  
Ben grins, I smile knowing Billie would try. We eat lunch; he takes me back to the hotel to let me take a shower and get dress. Before I know it, I’m sitting in the doctor's office filling out all the paperwork. I worry over every question, sadly realizing I have no way of answering any of the family history questions. 

Before I know it I’m in a paper gown, for this, they asked Ben to sit outside. Dr. Tano does the exam and orders more blood work. They let me get dressed and let Ben come back in to watch the ultrasound. This is the part I’ve been dreading, what if something is wrong with my baby. I’ll never be able to forgive myself. 

Ben seems to sense my uneasiness, he holds my hand and kisses my head, he whispers in my ear, “It’s going to be alright Rey, he will be perfect, just like his mother.” 

I want to cry, I know I'm irrational, but I’d be damned if I could help it. I’m laid back with my shirt pulled up. Dr. Tano likes to do the ultrasounds; she puts the cold gel on my stomach and rolls the wand over my belly to spread out the gel. 

She flips a switch on the machine, and the monitor comes to life. She rolls the wand over my stomach and stops it on my belly, I hear it, I hear his heartbeat. I look up to see Ben’s face; he looks like he is awestruck.

“That’s the baby’s heartbeat,” she moves the wand, ”do you want to know the baby’s s.. wait a minute.” she’s looking at the monitor, I feel the tears forming, I feel like I can’t breathe. 

She moves the wand, and I hear the babies fast but strong heartbeat, “Do you hear that?” she ask a smile on her face looking between Ben and me.

Ben’s brow furrow like he’s trying to hear what she is hearing.

“There,” Dr. Tano grins, “second heartbeat congratulations you’re having twins.”


	6. Chapter 6

Twins, she just said I’m having twins, like what the ever-loving fuck. I look over at Ben to see if he is just as shocked as I am. Nope, he’s grinning, like actually happy about twins, not one but two newborns, two toddlers oh fuck two teenagers at the same time. 

I’m happy I am, we are going to be parents, but I thought I’d be a parent to one child first, kind of like getting my feet wet before jumping in head first into parenthood. I know it doesn’t make sense but stay with me here, there are two of them. 

“Would you like to know the sex of the babies?” Dr. Tano is still smiling like this is a happy occasion, and Ben is just as happy to join her on the happy train. 

“please,” his deep voice sounds happy, thrilled even. What the hell is wrong with me? What difference should twins make? I’m scared God I’m so scared, I hoped that if I mess up one kid, it would only be one. Now. Now, I feel like crying. 

“We have a boy,” Dr. Tano’s voice is light and airy like a fairy godmother bestowing the good news. 

Ha, a boy I knew it, Ben is beaming now he has a son. 

Dr. Tano is moving the wand around; she gently prods my stomach, I think she is trying to get the babies to move, on the screen I see legs and a hand, then a what I think is a rear-end. 

“Oh, and a girl.” Dr. Tano sets the wand down to send the info to her computer and do a print out of the ultrasounds for a keep-sake. 

A boy and girl, we have the whole package set family now. I stare at the still image. I don’t know what I’m doing. I never had a mother or father, Plutt only taught me not to trust people they would let you down. Here I am carrying twins, and I’m going to be the worse mother, I already am by missing the first six months of doctors visits. 

Ben is holding my hand, his eyes on the still image as well; he still has the grin on his face. I inhale trying to suck back the sob that is threatening to break me in half. Ben’s brows meet in the middle. 

“Rey, Sweetheart, what’s wrong?” He’s kissing my forehead my hand still in his. 

“I don’t know what I’m doing. I’m going to mess this up.” I’m not proud of the panic in my voice, or how queasy my stomach feels at the moment, why did I think it was going to be easy with one baby? 

Dr. Tano pats my hand, “You’ll do just fine Dear. Once these babies are born, you’ll find that you can handle all of it. They are healthy, their growth rate is on track, but I’m going to put them closer to seven months than six.”

If I wasn’t pregnant, God pregnant with twins, I could have used a stiff drink, maybe a bottle of something strong. Ben is helping me off the table. Now I have even less time to get ready. 

Dr. Tano is talking about my next appointment. I have the ultrasounds print out in my hand. 

“Whose side of the family do the twins come from?” Dr. Tano is typing away. 

“I’d say mine; my mother was a twin.” He is still holding my hand his large thumb rubbing the back of my hand, trying to give me comfort. 

Suddenly I’m seriously pissed at Ben. It’s his fault I’m pregnant, his fault we are going to have twins — all of it, all Ben fucking Solo’s fault. 

I thank Dr. Tano, promise to be back in a month. I have her phone number if there are any problems. He takes my hand while we are walking out of the doctors' office. I snatch it out of his hand. 

“Don’t fucking touch me!” I growl at him. The anger has me consumed. He gives me a hurt look and puts his hands in his pockets while he trails behind me to the car. 

I wait for him to unlock the door and sit in the car, I’ve got my body tilted towards the door, so I don’t have to look at him. 

He sits in the driver's seat, the keys in the ignition, “what did I do wrong now?” he sounds hurt if not a little annoyed. 

I cross my arms and hold my tongue and refuse to look at him. 

After a few minutes of sitting in silence, I hear him mutter, “Fine, don’t talk to me; let’s not work this out.”

The engine springs to life, he pulls out of the parking lot of the doctors' office. He isn’t talking; I’m not talking this is supposed to be a happy event. It was a happy event until I up and ruined it for everyone.

There’s a little voice in my head that tells me I'm an idiot, and If I keep pushing him away like this that he will get tired and fucking leave me. I break down and start crying again. 

Ben pulls into a parking lot and shuts off the engine, “Please Rey talk to me, tell me what’s wrong? How I can fix this?” his voice is gentle, caring, like he is breaking because of my pain. 

When I look at him, it’s written all over his face, he’s hurt and worried all because of me. I start to sob harder; fucking hormones has me so messed up I’m not sure what I feel anymore. 

“I’m.” I hickup and start to do the little painting and crying thing. “I’m so scared, Ben.”

He turns that incredibly huge body to look at me, taking my hand in his. “I am too Rey. I’m scared out of my fucking mind. I don’t have a clue about how to be a father. I feel like I barely make it as an adult. But I have you Rey, and they are going to be our children. I don’t plan on making the same mistakes as my parents. I want to love them. I want to watch them grow up and be good people, like their mother.”

He’s hugging me over the car center console, after a couple of minutes I get the crying under control. 

“I’m sorry, Ben, I know I'm not fair to you. This isn’t what I thought my life would turn out to be.”

He sits back and looks at me, “what did you want your life to be Rey?” he asked with a soft tone, the same one he uses when he’s trying to comfort me. 

I sniff and then sigh, “it doesn’t matter.”

“No, it does matter, tell me what you wanted to do Rey?”

I shrug, “I thought I’d be in college at twenty not pregnant with twins.” I’m feeling a cocktail of emotions, sad, hopeful, pissed, confused, happy, jealous because I know Finn is close to graduating from college, but I also feel love. I rub my belly and smile at Ben. He smiles back. There is the love part. 

“It’s not too late Rey. You are young after the twins are born you can do college. I will be here to help you.”

He smiles, “life doesn’t have to be about having one, or the other, family and career don’t have to be at odds with one another, we can make it work.” he touches my cheek, “If you want?”

I nod, “what about you, Ben? what about your career?”

He laughed like it was the funniest joke I’ve ever told, “Giving the option between staying home with my twins or teaching other peoples kids. I’ll take my children every single time. I know you're scared, and I am too. But fuck Rey if I’ve ever been happier at this moment knowing I have a family.” 

His smile is so warm, his happiness authentic. I feel like my heart might burst. 

“It’s all I’ve wanted.” He lowers his eyes, his emotion so tangible I could taste it on my tongue.

“Can we go back to the hotel? I’m tired. I want a nap.”

He smiles at me. It occurs to me I’m holding on to the past. I can see that there has been a change in him. I’m sure it wasn’t all within the last forty-eight hours. 

“You’ve changed,”

He glanced over to me and then back to the road, “I’ve had six months to think about us. I obsessed with us. You left me little choice but to look at our relationship, and why you ran. I knew I had fucked up somewhere if I had pushed you too far. I knew I wasn’t always the most emotionally available person. I wasn’t sure what the catalyst was that made you run, but I decided that when I found you that whatever you needed or wanted I’d do. if I could have you back in my life.”

His admission made me smile. It wasn’t the pregnancy that brought about his change. It was his love for me.

I see the hotel, the parks, and we go to the room. I hold onto his hand and lead him to the bedroom. 

“will you lay down with me?”

He pulls his shirt off and drops it on the floor. I knew his answer. I didn’t need him to say it.

We lay in the bed, skin on skin. I snuggle into his arms and sigh.

“I decided to give up the apartment. We can get a place here. I like Dr. Tano,” I look to see if there is any conflict in his eyes. I know he wants us to go back home. But I want to have our babies here. 

He’s got a look of bliss on his face, he’s happy, and that makes me happy. 

“I’ll look for a place; hopefully, it will only take a few days. Can I do it while you work? Or I can wait, and we can look together?”

“Whatever you find will be fine by me.” 

I’m glad he is not giving me a hard time about working now. He knows I’m carrying twins. I owe Joe the time to find my replacement. 

I close my eyes. I’m safe and warm. Sleep comes easier than it has in a long time. 

I’m walking down a lane with trees blossomed with white flowers line the worn road. His hand is in mine, he’s telling me about the twins day. How well they are learning their letters. I hear their laughter. 

The smell of food cooking wakes me up. I’m feeling all kind of warm and fuzzies. 

“Smells good, what are you making?”

He’s standing at the stove, stirring something. Whatever it has my stomach growling. I wrap my arms around his waist and take a peek in the pot. He kisses the top of my head. 

“Thought you might like some risotto and bakes chops.”

Dinner was spent talking about our plans, what we need in preparation of the twins. It was an evening with no tension. Conversation flowed with ease. We worked together to clean the table, wash the dishes, and relaxed on the couch. 

I snuggled up to him his arm around my shoulder. We watch one of my favorite movies. How to train your dragon. It’s a sweet movie, and I can see he enjoys it, or more like he enjoys me enjoying it. I wonder if this is what life is for most people? 

Our kisses turn passionate. He leads me to the bed we share. He is gentle, his touches and kisses are tender, he is so giving, he is careful of caging my body below his, my legs around his hips. He makes love to me; slow long strokes bring me to ruin. The look of love adorns his eyes. I wonder if he can see it reflected in mine. I wonder if he knows how much he means to me. 

Falling asleep and waking up in his arms is what I had missed during our separation. But now it feels different. We are different more mature, well I hope I’m more mature. That isn’t it. It feels right like this is where we should be like fate had always shipped us. 

We shower and dress. It’s too early in the morning for a deep, meaningful conversation. Besides, what more can words express how we feel than what a kiss couldn’t?   
Ben drives me to the diner, stays has a coffee talk with Joe, while I’m busy getting the front end ready. Then he’s off a little after eight in the morning to do whatever he needs to get done. By noon he is back we eat lunch, and he tells me what he’s found so far as possible places go. 

It’s a routine we easily fall into, we agreed not to buy anything baby wise till after we find a permanent home. 

We have dinner with Joe and Nancy. She is more than happy to share her experience as a mother, one that has taken care of more than one kid at a time. I’m delighted, Ben, and Joe gets along, Ben is ten years older than me and ten younger than Joe. I smile the thought of Ben being Jan the middle child cracks me up. 

Joe finds a replacement for me, a young woman working her way through college. I’m happy that he gives her the job she is nice, and something about passing it to another young woman in need seemed right. 

Ben still has some hang-ups that I’m discovering. He refuses to look for an apartment. He prefers a house, something with a yard.

“This is ridiculous, Ben. I think an apartment would be more sensible. Especially if this is going to be short term.”

I’ve got one of those local apartment finder books, and some of them look nice. They have a gym with a sauna, not that I think it would be wise to sit in a sauna at almost eight months pregnant now, but it would be nice after the babies are here.

“I don’t like apartments; they are dangerous.”

I shake my head, “that makes no sense, hell some even have a doorman.”

He runs a hand through his hair, frustrated, “I don’t want to live so close to other people. You never know what kind of fucked up evil prick could be living on the other side of the wall. I don’t want anyone that close to my family.”

It occurs to me why; his room was near Snokes. I get it now why he is so hesitant, even before we were together I knew that he lived in a house, and not at the school like some of the other teachers. 

“Ok no apartments, “ I throw the apartment finder away and sit down next to him. “We have to find something soon. We are going to have two new additions soon.” 

Ben has money, I know he has lots of money, but I hate that he is paying so much for us to stay at the hotel. Being poor makes me hyper-aware of funds. I always feel like I have to save it, that it won’t be there when I need it.

Joe calls me one day. There is a house in his neighborhood for rent. He lives in a very middle-class neighborhood the houses are all older models, which I’m okay with, I need four walls and a roof. Ben, on the other hand, is used to grander dwellings. 

We look at the house. We would be a street over from Joe and Nancy, which is comforting to me, knowing they would be so close. The house is small, two bedrooms, one bath and an older model kitchen with appliances. But it is on a quarter acre lot with a fenced in backyard. 

Ben looks at me with a skeptical look on his face, “what do you think?”

“I think I love it.”

He nods and purses his lips; the owner is standing by the front door with the keys in his hands. Ben takes my hand and walks to the front door. I’m prepared to fight for this house. It’s small but cute and close to Joe and Nancy and cheaper than the damn hotel we’ve been living in. 

Ben reaches out to shake the owner's hand, “She loves it; we’ll take it.” 

The older man smiles and hands Ben the keys. Ben hands him the envelope with almost three thousand in it, for the first and last month and deposit. The place isn’t furnished, so I drag Ben through thrift stores and second-hand shops for everything but the bed, he puts his foot down refusing to have a second-hand bed for us. 

We move in two days after signing the lease, and we have the place furnished. Nancy comes over to help me decorate and insist we have a house warming party, I don’t know many people, but Joe knows everyone in the neighborhood. He lives in the house he grew up in, so he invites most of the neighbor so people can get to know us. 

Joe has the party at his house. He cooks for the whole shindig. It’s sweet, and everyone was so lovely. Ben had never been a party person, but he is polite when Joe pulls him into a group of guys, and Nancy drags me over to the women’s circle. 

I smile and laugh like everyone else. I’m watching Ben. He seems relaxed. I catch him glancing over at me more than a few times. By the end of the night, we’ve been gifted with pots, pans, towels, and sheets. Things that people need to live from day to day. 

We are back in our home, wow our home, a month ago that was just a fantasy that I was sure would never come true.

“So, what were you all laughing about?”

“Nothing really, they wanted to know what kind of drug I’ve been giving you to entice you to sleep with me.” he laughs, I’m sure the shocked look on my face was funny. 

He walks over and wraps his arms around my waist, “You are a gorgeous young woman; I’m pretty sure they are jealous.”

I huff out a laugh. I’m getting to be as round as a beachball. “Then that’s something we share. The girls wanted to know if you had a brother. They all think you are sexy as hell.”

I’ve got my head tucked under his chin, enjoying his warmth, I feel a foot pushing in my back. They are active tonight. Ben pulls back and puts his hands on my stomach. They roll in my belly. He’s smiling ear to ear. 

I groan, “I swear it feels like a wrestling match is going on in there.”

It feels like they are trying to push their way out, I can tell by the sheer joy in Ben’s eyes that he enjoys feeling his children move so much. 

He falls to his knees, pushing my shirt up to kiss what looks like either a hand or foot pushing my belly out. 

“I can’t wait to meet you two,” He leaves kisses all over my belly, his dark eyes look at me from under his long lashes he looks contented.

I smiled down at him on his knees. I know this is how life should be spent with someone I love.


	7. Chapter 7

I’ve always hated shopping it reminded me I was broke. We are looking at maternity shirts because most of the clothes I have don’t fit any longer. I can’t help feeling weird about Ben buying my clothes like I’ve gone back on my pledge of taking care of myself. I don’t like anything, ok I don’t like the price tag, but still, I’m sure I could find some maternity shirts or large men’s shirts at the thrift store for a fraction of the cost. Ben looks frustrated, of course.

We’re in the car driving to another store. He has told when he is frustrated and wants to say something but not sure if he should. He’s biting his bottom lip. I’m waiting to see him run his hand through his hair. We had already discussed this, that we wouldn’t hold back anymore. 

“I’ve been thinking,” he starts, translation he is going to suggest something I’m not going to like. 

“yes?” I can feel myself raising an eyebrow. 

“Let’s get married. All your friends are here. We are about to become parents.” his hands are tight on the steering wheel making his argument, “And most importantly I love you, and I want the world to know that we belong to each other.”

To be honest, I hadn’t thought about getting married for a while now. But seeing the conviction on his face, that he loves me, I’m not sure I could say no.

“Ok,” 

He glances over and then back to the road; the snow is falling a little heavier now. “Ok?” he asks. 

“I’ll marry you,”

He breaks out into a big smile, “Ok,” he sighs then laughs, “we are really doing this.”

His happiness is infectious; now. I’m smiling and laughing.

We pull into another strip mall and park. It has restaurants a drug store and a maternity shop. He’s happy when I pick out some clothes, soft tops and pants in pretty pastel colors. I’m walking around in a daze, I just agreed to marry him, I mean we are going to be parents, marriage isn’t much more than a hop that’s been the path in my life. 

We take a break at a little café. I’m sipping a cup of chamomile tea.

I look over at Ben he has a weird look on his face a mix of joy and nervousness.

“I’d like to do it before the babies are born,” he’s looking at me.

“That gives us less than a month.”

“I know, it doesn’t have to be anything grand, then after the babies are born and you are ready We can renew our vows if you want something,” he shrugs his shoulders lost for words I guess, “bigger the whole church, and party after?”

“I’d like a small ceremony more intimate with just our friends.” my friends, it occurs to me I haven’t spoken to Rose and Finn in almost a year, I had to cut contact with them while I was on the run.  
“I want to call Finn, and Rose invite them.”

Ben smiles and sips his coffee, “I think that would be nice.” his smile falters for a moment, “do they know about us?”

Suddenly I feel like a hypocrite for all the times I accused him of hiding our relationship, and I never told Rose or Finn, even after it wasn’t a problem. 

“No, but I’m sure they won’t have a problem with it. What about your family? Are you going to invite them?”

“I’ve been giving them a lot of thought. I need to make amends and let go of all the pain.”

I can’t help the big grin on my face. This Ben is not the same man I left more than seven months ago. 

We stopped by a supermarket for groceries, it felt so domestic, shopping for food, now planning a wedding, when did my life become this? It all felt like a dream a beautiful sweet dream, and Ben, my fantasy come to life. 

Ben is cooking, and I decide now is the time to call Finn and Rose and pray they aren’t to mad at me for cutting them out of my life for the past few months. 

I’m sitting on the couch and the phone rings, and rings, I let it ring until it goes to voice mail. I frown there is an hour time difference. I don’t leave a message. It feels like my heart is in my throat. I damn near drop my phone when it rings. I look at the screen it’s Finn, I almost missed taking the call I’m so nervous that I keep missing swiping the fucking button, sometimes I hate cell phones. 

“Finn?” I ask because well because I do.

“Rey, oh my God Rey it’s you,” he’s shouting and sounds like he might be close to crying.   
“Where are you? Are you ok, why haven’t you called me?... Rey?” He pauses, I think it’s to breathe.

Now I am crying, “Finn,” I sob his name, “I’m so sorry,” I’m currently trying to reel in my emotions. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Ben standing at the door of the small kitchen. 

I suck up the snot and my nervousness, “I’m sorry, Finn, I had to get away for a while, I needed time to think.”

Finn is quiet, “are you ok, Rey?” the caring tone in his voice almost breaks me. 

“I’m good, Finn, actually I’m great. I have something to tell you.” I have to take a big breath. Ben hands me some tissue and kisses the top of my head before he goes back into the kitchen. 

“Ok, I’m glad you’re ok.” Finn sounds curious now. 

“I’m going to get married, and I want you and Rose to be part of my wedding.” my voice sounds calm which kind of shocks me because right now my stomach is in knots. 

“Oh, wow Rey, congratulations someone I know?”

“Yes,” I feel like a coward, taking another deep breath, I can hear Finn breathing. I know he is waiting to listen to who. I love Ben, and there is nothing to be ashamed. “Ben Solo,”

“who?” Finn sounds confused. I can picture his standing there with his mouth opened and his brow pinched thinking he might have heard me wrong. 

“Ben and I are going to get married, and I want you and Rose to be part of my wedding... Please, Finn.” I can’t help the tremor in my voice. 

He’s quiet for a while, I know he’s putting pieces together, then I hear him huff out a laugh, “Now it makes sense, when you turned up missing the first time he called and said he was looking for you because he needed your signature for some legal papers for your employment you forgot to sign. This last time he called the man sounded destroyed, desperate even. He didn’t even try to give me some bullshit reason he asked me if I had seen you, then two days after the call he showed up at our house. It was all pretty surreal.”

“I know this is why I couldn’t tell you or Rose where I was going. I didn’t want to put you in that position.”

Finn sighs, “If you ran from him, why are you getting married to him?”

I want to tell him it’s complicated, but it’s not, not really. 

“Because I love him, and he’s shown me that he loves me as well.”

“If you are happy, Rey, then I’m happy for both of you. I mean, Pro... I mean Ben was a tough teacher but never a dick.”

I have to laugh because Ben has been a dick many times, but I’ve forgiven him, and it’s now in the past. 

“When are you getting married?”

“Um that’s just it, it’s going to be in two weeks, I know it’s really short notice and if you can’t make it I understand.” I blurt out because damn it I have to be an inconvenience to my friends.

“No that is actually a good time, we are both on winter break, and it’s before we go to her parents for the holidays.”

“Oh, oh Finn that’s awesome, right?” I know that Rose and Finn worried so much about her parents accepting Finn. 

His laughter always made me smile, “Yea, I grew some balls and took her to her parents and told them we are in love and will be in each’s other’s life and I hope to love and protect her for the rest of my life. It seems like her Dad appreciated me coming forth like a man, in his words. So yea we are all one big happy family.”  
“I’m so proud of you,” I can’t help the tears again. I feel like I should be 100% open with Finn. 

“I’m also pregnant. I’m eight months pregnant with twins.” I say it, but it’s, but I couldn’t manage more than a loud whisper. 

“Oh, fuck Rey, did Ben know before you left?”

“No, he didn’t, we were keeping everything under wraps, and when I found out I was pregnant I freaked out and bolted, I need to get my head straight. Ben found me.”

“How did he take the news?”

I have to smile, “He has never been happier.”

I hear Finn let out a breath, “that’s good. I’d hate to have to kick his bigfoot tall ass.”

We laugh, it feels so good to talk to Finn. He had been my only family for so long. Now my family is getting so much larger. I can’t help the ache in my heart like I’m not sure if I deserve any of this. 

“I’ve got to run Rey, but once Rose gets home I’ll tell her to give you a call. I know she is going to love talking to you. Love you Rey.” he says it so naturally, he is a gift.

“Thank you, Finn, love you too.” I sit on the couch and wipe my eyes.

Ben sits down next to me and pulls me under his arm into his side. He rubs my arm and lets me melt into his touch. 

“How did he take the news?”

“Well, he’s happy for both of us.”   
“You didn’t tell me you went to see Finn and Rose?” I glance up to him. His cheeks are a reddish blush.

“Yeah, that wasn’t one of my finest moments. I thought they were lying and hiding you. I watched their house for a couple of days, that’s when I realized you were gone.” his voice sounds so heartbroken.

He looks down and smiles at me, “that day I swore that once I found you. that I’d never let you go, and I’d do whatever it took to keep you.”

We sit like that for a few minutes, “Dinners done if you’re ready to eat.”

I smile and pat my belly, “Yea, I think we could eat something.”

He’s made spaghetti with sausage, one of my favorites. I enjoy my food, practically inhaling it. 

“Are you going to call your parents tonight?”

He looks up at me. He looks like it’s something he would like to put off. But two weeks is really short notice and should be done now. 

He sighs, “After dinner, I’ll call them.”

I want to give him some space when he calls his folks. He has a strained relationship with his parents at best. I don’t want him to feel any pressure from me hanging around listening. 

I can hear his voice but not make out what he is saying, he doesn’t sound angry or shouting, so that’s a good thing. I finish the dishes and go into the living room,”

“yeah, ok yes mom, yes, Ok I love you too.”

I plop down on the couch and take his big hand in mine, “So how’d it go?”  
He smiled, “really well, they are happy for both of us, Mom says she remembers you which if I'm honest, I doubt.” 

I huff, “rude!”

He laughs, “Sometimes, I wonder if she remembers who I am.”

He leads me to our new bed. It’s huge like the owner. We find there are two positions for sex at this point. Either I’m riding his cock, cowgirl style, or I’m on my hands and knees, and he’s fucking me doggie style. 

I’m feeling lazy, so doggie style it is. He’s taking off his clothes, he has that 6pack and fuck me v that leads down to his thick cock. He’s so beautiful, and I’m feeling so unattractive.

“Come on, Sweetheart on the bed,” he grins and pats my bottom. 

“I feel like a fucking cow, I take off my shirt, and he helps me out of my sweat pants. I crawl onto the bed. 

“You're beautiful.” he kisses my spine, his fingers already rubbing my sex.

“It’s not fair, you look so fucking hot, and I’m just unattractive.”

“stop, how can you say that, when I’m looking at the prettiest pussy I’ve ever seen in my life.” I feel the bed behind me press down and then his tongue in my cunt.

“Oh fuck,” I hiss. he knows just what to do to get me hot and ready for him.

“You taste as good as you look, mmmm I need to fuck that pussy. Are you ready, Sweetheart, do you want my cock?”

I’m hot now. I’m so ready for good old-fashioned fucking; I can’t stand it. “Yes, Sir, please fuck me. I need your cock.”

I can hear him take a deep breath, “Yes you do,” 

That initial stretch of his cock in my pussy is heaven, his fingertips digging into the flesh of my hips while he pounds into me has me moaning like a cheap whore with a twenty-dollar tip. 

The sounds of sweat-slick flesh slapping into one another fill the room. 

“I love this pussy, so tight so beautiful, all mine.” He’s panting out each word, fucking me as hard as he dares. He’s been much rougher in the past, usually by this time I’m tied in so many knots and my lady bits on full display, Ben would be worked into a frenzy trying different angles to fucking me. 

Now we have to go slow and leisurely. I know he believes that if he fucks me too hard, I’ll go into labor. I have read it happened before, Dr. Tano has given the ok to sex, says it helps relieve any built-up stress I may have. Which right now, he is working out of my body with the Precision of a surgeon.

Before I know it, I’m screaming and coming on his cock. He’s busy praising me. Then I feel him stiffen and comes inside me. He leaves kisses down my spine before biting my ass cheek and hops out of bed for a washcloth. 

After getting all cleaned and kissed up and down, He loves to lick my nipples kissing my breast before we snuggle into the bed. I honestly can’t imagine a better way to end the day. 

I hear Ben’s cell phone, it’s next to him, and he’s out cold, so I shake him.

“Ben, it’s your phone.” he only groans and covers his head with a pillow. 

I lean over him and grab his cell phone. I look at the name on the phone ‘Mom.’

“Ben, it’s your mom.” I pull the pillow off his head, “it’s your mom.”

He huffs out a curse word. I give him the phone and head to the bathroom. These two keep pushing on my bladder. I’m sure I’m going to wet the bed. 

I come out of the bathroom to find Ben sitting on the side of the bed with his head in his hands. Oh no, something is wrong. 

“Ben. is everything ok? Or they not coming?”

He looks up at me and shakes his head, “Oh, there are coming, she just landed and will be here in the next twenty minutes.”

“wait for what? but the wedding isn’t for a couple more weeks.”

He sighed, “She wants to come and help plan the wedding. And get to know the mother of her grandchildren.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I should have the complete story posted by Sunday at the lastest, chapter 10 is the new chapter. so if you read this story before you can skip to the last chapter! thanks to everyone that is reading, whether for the first time or return due to my lapse into insanity!!!

I’ve met Leia before, she is nice. She is also very bossy and takes charge, and oh my god I’m fucking freaking out now. I go to my closet and realize I don’t have anything to wear.

I’m tossing clothes out of my closet looking for something suitable. I’m lost in this mad dash to find something appropriate to wear when meeting your future in-laws again or the first time. 

Fuck I don’t know what I’m looking for, I guess Ben can see I’m freaking out he pulls me into his arms and hugs me.

“Sweetheart it’s ok, calm down.”

His warm body calms me. I can see a hint of a smile on his lips. He has that look in his eyes when he thinks I'm cute. 

He’s right I'm ridiculous, rather she likes me or not isn’t going to matter. Ben and I are going to get married and have our children. Everything else is just gravy. 

“You’re right, “ 

The way he smiles at me makes me feel like everything will be ok. 

I end up putting on a simple beige dress with a dark grey sweater. I hear a car door slam. I stand behind Ben while he opens the door, I see Leia, she is so short compared to her son, he has to almost bend in half to hug her. 

I hear a males voice and see Ben’s father, he looks a lot like his father, but a much older man. Leia walks around Ben and sees me and smiles. I can’t help the sigh of relief; she’s hugging me.

“Hello Rey,” she has the biggest smile on her face, I see her want to reach out and touch my belly, but she keeps her hands to herself. 

“It’s ok you can touch,” I grin at Ben while his mom puts her hands on my belly, she is met with a kick. I see tears in her eyes. “Han,” she calls out to Ben’s father. 

He’s got gray hair and hazel eyes; he is handsome like his son. He holds out his hand to me, “nice to meet you, Rey.” I smile and shake his hand. 

We decide to go out for breakfast. I take them to Joe’s diner. I introduce them to Joe and Billie; Han and Joe seem to get along well. Billie and Leia hit it off right away. All in all, it’s a pleasant breakfast. 

“Do you have names picked out yet?” Leia takes a sip of her coffee.

We have talked about names, but we can’t decide on a name only the names we both hate — no past boy/girlfriends, which is easy enough for both of us. We also decide against family names, since I don’t have a family didn’t seem fair. So, we have narrowed down because of exclusion.

“Um not yet, we haven’t found names yet that we like,” Ben says, taking a bite of his hash browns.

“What about your grandparent’s names Padma or Anakin ?” Leia counters.

I’m watching the back and forth like a tennis match between mother and son. 

“We’ve decided not to name the kids after anyone.” Ben offhandedly throws it out there in a way that I’m sure is driving his mother nuts. 

“that’s silly..” she is saying before Han puts a handout. 

“Leia, this is Ben’s and Rey’s decision what to name their kids. You can spoil them after they are here.” He gives her a wink. 

Leia slumps back slightly in the booth letting the subject go. She smiles. “ So, Rey, I thought we could go look at some wedding dresses.”

I glance up, “It’s going to be a very small affair. I figured I could wear one of my dresses.”

Leia frowns, “A woman gets one wedding if it’s to her true love, and she should have a beautiful dress to do it in.”

I catch Billie giving me a sideways glance and smile. I know she heard Leia. I know what is coming next. 

“I think that is a great idea.” she smiles, pouring everyone more coffee.

Leia grins, “see she agrees, what time do you get off Billie?”  
“two,” she smiles with her hand on her hip.

“Excellent, we can pick you up, and we girls can go find Rey a dress.”

I could put my foot down and say no, but both of them look so excited and happy, so what the hell I’ll go pick out a wedding dress.

I’ve been awake for a little over two hours, but I’m dead tired again. Leia agrees to come to pick me up around 1:30 to go shopping. They drop Ben and me off at our home. As soon as I’m in the front door I start stripping out of clothes, the only thing on my mind is our bed.

Feels like I just closed my eyes, and Ben is waking me up to go with Leia who is waiting in the living room. I can hear her talk to Han. I get the feeling I just lost control of this wedding.

My dress is wrinkled as hell now, so I change into a nice loose blouse and pants. Leia is happy to see me ready to go. 

I am feeling a little weird hanging out with Leia, up until four days ago she didn’t have a clue about Ben and myself. Now she wants to buy me a wedding dress. I can’t help but think it’s because I’m pregnant with her grandchildren. Would she be so willing to help me plan a wedding to her only son if there were no children involved?

If she just read my mind, Leia starts talking and doesn’t stop.

“This must all seem a little overwhelming?” She glances over to me. I can see where Ben gets his eyes. 

“A little bit, I’m excited.”

“I remember you from school, you know. You were always quiet but did your job. I remember reading the essay you wrote for the scholarship. I thought this is a smart girl and I had to have you in my school.” she looks over and smiles at me. 

I’m lost for words, “I didn’t think you’d remember me; I’ve always been invisible.”

Leia laughs, “Well, you were visible enough to catch my son’s eyes. I’m glad you did, he’s been lonely for a long time. Han and I thought he had given up on trying to find someone.”

I nod, it's crazy to hate someone you’ve never met, but thinking about the pain, she put Ben through she hopes karma bites the bitch in the ass.

“you are good for my son,” I have to turn to look at Leia, her voice is soft but so sad. I see her wipe a tear out of her eye. “Han and I were not the best parents, we’ve made a lot of mistakes pushed our son away.” She pulls into the parking lot of Joe’s Diner. 

She smiles and looks at me with glassy eyes, “I was shocked when he called, shocked that he asked us to his wedding. I wasn’t shocked that he fell in love with you.”

I’m sure the shocked look on my face is what made her laugh. “I know my son. I’d seen him watch you more than once. I also know the trauma he suffered at the hands of that monster. I knew he wouldn’t do anything while you were underage. I’m going to guess you made the first move?” She said it like a question she already knew the answer too. 

I felt my face go hot, and I’m sure beet red, all I could think about was the bus ride. I can’t speak, I nod. 

Leia smiles and puts her hand over mine, “I understand Dear, the Solo men are very appealing. Han is ten years older than me. I was nineteen when we started .. um dating.” 

I can’t help but smile, so we have more in common then I thought. 

“I wanted to thank you for bringing my Son back into our lives.” She reaches out and touches my cheek. I can’t help but think this is what mothers do?

“I’m happy he’s reached out to you and Han.”

The tap on the window makes us both jump, Billie hops in the back seat, “think you can drop by my place let me change before we hit the boutiques?”  
Leia looks in the back seat, “Of course just tell me where to go.”

We spent the better part of the next six hours going through dress after dress after please make it fucking stop dress. Then it happens, the lady brings out the dress. It’s beautiful a vintage empire-waisted gown in ivory. I put it on and know this is the dress, when I step out of the dressing room Leia and Billie both nod in agreement, all three of us are standing looking in the mirror crying. I want to feel foolish, but I don’t I feel loved. 

We decide the dress doesn’t need any alterations; there is enough material to accommodate my still growing belly. 

We drop Billie back off at her apartment and head back home. I’ve missed Ben, and I’m hungry and tired. It’s been a full day of getting to know Leia better. I’m happy. She seems loving and willing to accept me with all my flaws and genuinely happy for Ben and myself. 

I’m not entirely through the doors yet when Ben is holding onto me like it’s been another six months since he saw me. I know I feel it too, I’ve missed him. Han was out back grilling steaks, while Ben cooked the rest of dinner. Leia and I just needed to relax on the couch. 

I give Ben the rundown on my day while he was home. I didn’t want to go into details about what I talked to Leia about. It felt personal. Ben and Han used the day to fix a couple of things around the house. 

We eat dinner. I’m struggling at this point. I don’t want to be rude but fuck if I’m not dead tired. Everyone at the table can see my eyes want to close. Han and Leia tell me to go lay down, I keep turning them down. I want to get to know them. 

“We have a lifetime to get to know each other, go lay down Kid and take care of yourself,” Han says with a sweet smirk. Now I know where Ben gets that from. 

I wish everyone a good night. Ben helps me to bed. I feel him kiss my head and hear him wish me a good night. Next thing I know it’s dark, and I have to go pee. 

I can feel his warm body next to mine. I slip out of bed and head to the bathroom. I must have moved to fast for my brain because the next thing I know I’m falling and crash into the nightstand.   
Ben is out of bed before I can get my head clear.

“REY, are you ok?” he has my head pulled to his chest. I can hear the thump of his heartbeat. He turned on the lamp next to us. I’m not hurt, well besides my pride and my hip, when I felt myself falling on instinctively curled around my belly to protect my babies. 

“yes, I stood up to fast. I have to go to the bathroom,” now the urge is even stronger. 

Ben helps me to my feet and refuses to let me go to the bathroom on my own now. I’m not a fan of peeing in front of anyone, so I make him stand at the door with his back to me. I know I know, he’s seen me in every possible position he could work my body, but I still don’t want him to watch me pee. 

Once I’m done, he insists on checking me over for any injuries. Only when he is satisfied, I don’t have any broken bones or lacerations that I could go back to bed. He keeps his hands on my hips, holding my hand while I crawl back in bed. 

“I just moved to fast, rattled my brain, we are fine Ben.” I huff, once I’m safely back in bed.” 

When I wake up its light out, and Ben is gone, I glance over at the clock it reads 10:13 am. Great I slept most of the morning. I pull myself out of bed and head to the bathroom again, start to feel like I’m spending half my life in the bathroom at this point. 

I hear Han talking, I get dressed and waddled out of the bedroom. 

“Morning,” I greet everyone. Ben is beside me before I even realized he’s moved. 

He kisses my head and leads me to the dining room table. Where Han and Leia waited with their coffee’s, Leia hugs me morning, Han gives me a pat on the back. The thought hit me out of nowhere. This is what having parents felt like. I feel the tears at the corner of my eyes. 

Leia sees it first before I can say anything she is hugging me, smoothing me telling me it’s going to be ok. Han is standing next to us, rubbing my back. 

Ben comes back to the table with my plate of pancakes; he quickly slides it on the table and wraps his arms around me. 

“Are you ok, are you hurt?” his worried tone and their kind words threaten to break me. 

I wipe the tears out of my eyes, “No, I’m fine, just got weepy sorry damn hormones.”

Ben gives me a look like he’s not sure if he believes me but helps me to my chair and gives me my pancakes. My stomach growls at the smell. 

Han burst out laughing, “sounds like a damn bear about to maul someone.”

Leia frowns and smacks Han’s arm, “leave her alone; she’s eating for three.”

Han rubs my shoulder grinning at me, “Rey knows I’m joking right kid?”

I grin back, “Yup.” 

I happily eat my pancakes. I listened to everyone’s plan for the day. Han and Leia have decided to look for a place to stay out here; they want to be near when the babies are born. 

We see them off, Ben sighs, “I’m not sure if this is going to be a good thing or not.”

“Give them a chance to prove they’ve changed as well; I knew Leia planned on staying after the wedding to help with the babies. It has made me feel better with them here.” I give him a look to be sure he’s ok with it. 

Which considering I had no experience with babies at all this thrilled me to no end. Ben, on the other hand, I could tell was starting to feel a tab claustrophobic with his folks being around so much. 

He is smiling. “It’s good. I’m glad they are happy about all the wedding and babies. I’d felt like a fuck up for so long in their eyes that I was afraid of how they would react.”

“Leia has told me a few times they loved and missed you. And they knew they had messed up and happy for the second chance. I’m happy as well, I’ve always wanted a family, and now I’ve got more then I could have ever hoped for.” I blink back the tears, refusing to let it happen, damn it I am not going to cry. 

Leia and Han rented one of the expensive apartments I had looked at before with the doorman and everything. It was already furnished; they just needed to move in and set up house. 

 

The week kind of blew by, I was thrilled Finn and Rose were flying out and was going to be here in an hour. Ben had already left to go to the airport a town over to pick them up. To say I was nervous was an understatement. 

It had almost been a year since I’ve seen two of my best friends, so much as changed, I started to worry that I’ve changed so much they wouldn’t like me anymore. I know it’s irrational but being abandon as a small child does that to a person. 

I hear the car pull up; I’m out the front door waiting on the stoop. I see Ben and Finn opening their doors at the same time. Finn is grinning so wide I’m sure he’s going to split the corners of his mouth wide open. 

“PEANUT!!!” he yells and runs to wrap me in a big hug. 

Out of the corner of my eye, I can see Ben tense up slightly. I’m not sure it’s because he hates seeing me in the arms of another man or the fact I’m so close to my due date, and Finn just about ran me over to hug me. I hear Rose and feel her arms around my huge belly.

“Oh my God Rey, you’re so big.” her brown eyes wide in wonder. 

“Carrying twins will do that,” I laugh and hug her. 

We sat for hours talking and catching up. Ben joined us; it was perfect. I couldn’t be happier. 

I felt warm like I had on a sweater during summer and so tired. I started to get a headache but didn’t want to leave my friends. 

Ben wasn’t going to have any of that. He forced me into the bedroom. I missed him being dominating and tying me up. But at this time, he just wanted me to lay down and nap. 

We had two rooms, but the other room was now the babies nursery, Leia and Han insisted that Finn and Rose stay at their place since they rented a two-bedroom apartment. Ben’s Uncle Luke was coming out for the wedding as well, but he couldn’t make it till the day of the wedding. 

The closer to my due date, my visits with Dr. Tano was now every two weeks, or if I was having any problems. Everything is an ok per, Dr. Tano. Being constantly tired is part of carrying twins. The dizziness could be from being off center. She assures me everything is perfect. 

It’s decided that Joe is going to walk me down the aisle, and Rose would be my maid of honor. Billie would be in my wedding party as well. Ben didn’t know anyone so that Finn would be his best man. 

We have the rehearsal dinner it’s beautiful, the decorations, food everything is like a dream. Leia insists that I have to stay at her apartment and all the guys are staying at my house because of course, the Groom can’t see the bride. 

That morning, Leia braids my hair, Rose and Billie put babies breaths through my hair. With the dress, hair, and makeup, I barely recognize myself, I look good. Ah hell, I look beautiful, not going to cry, sighs.

We head to the small church that Joe grew up in, the Pastor is an older man from Hawaii, everyone calls him Pastor Peii I like him he’s a sweet older man. 

I’m standing at the back of the church with my arm looped around Joe’s. He’s smiling down at me telling me I’m beautiful and that it’s going to be incredible. I can only nod, I hear the music, and we start the walk, I see Ben he is so handsome in his tux, everyone looks fantastic, I stumble for a moment, Joe takes my waist in one hand and my hand in the other. 

I feel light headed like there is no oxygen, I’m not sure what’s happening, but I hear someone shout. Then I feel Ben pulling me to his body.

“REY! Sweetheart talk to me, call an ambulance.” my eyes are closed, but I hear Ben’s voice, he’s so worried. 

I feel like I’m fading in and out, they are loading me in the ambulance, Ben is getting in with me. I open my eyes for a moment, he looks distraught, but also of love and concern. I can’t help but smile. 

“Hold on Rey. I’ve got you Sweetheart hole on.” 

There is the sound of shuffling, I feel something cold on my chest, and a machine that’s beeping, the beeps are getting slower.

“Her BP is 75 over 50, I’m losing a pulse, starting compressions,” I can’t open my eyes, they are too heavy. I’m not sure what’s happening, but it’s like I’m behind a glass wall, everything is getting harder to hear.

“Please Rey, I love you don’t leave me” I feel bad Ben sounds so sad, I want to tell him I love him too.

The long squeal of the machine is getting quieter. I feel Ben’s hand on mine. I try to open my eyes to see him, but I can’t open them.

I feel the pull. I’m so tired I can’t resist any longer. I feel myself slipping into the warm darkness.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the next chapter will be new to the story. Thank you all for taking the time to read this drabble!! xoxox

I felt the darkness; it surrounded me like a mother’s womb. I felt warmed and cared for. A soft glow lit my world. I felt his lips. I tasted ..char ..smoke.. I feel him push air in my lungs, I gasped and inhaled air, my throat stung like it was burnt. 

I hear his voice, “come on, Rey breathe Sweetheart breathe for me.”

I felt confused, his hands on my chest pressing. I opened my eyes and heard Rose scream my name. I’m lying on the ground staring up at Ben, his eyes dark with worry, scared. What the fuck is going on. I can feel the heat on the side of my face, I glance behind Ben, and the school is on fire. 

I look up at him. His brow is pinched; he looks like hell. He’s staring at me, he has that look in his eyes when he’s torn, like he wants to say something or do something but he’s resisting.

Finn and Rose are there crying, Finn is kneeling beside me, he touches my face, “I tried to get to you, but the flames blocked my way. Professor Solo rescued you.” his voice a mix of fear and relief, Finn gives Ben a look like he was the second coming.

Rose nods, “you weren’t breathing, but he gave you mouth to mouth, he wouldn’t stop you were out for so long, God Rey, I thought you died.”

I hear the sirens and see the red lights flashing — fire trucks and Ambulances.

Ben looks at Finn and Rose, “have someone come to check out Rey.” 

They both nodded before taking off to intercept the paramedics.

Wait, I’m trying to catch up here, the school is on fire? How the fuck did I get back here? What’s going on. I see Ben start to pull away from me, 

“No, please, Ben, please don’t leave me.” my voice sounds raw. He exhales and sits back on his knees. 

“You gave us quite a scare, Ms. Niima.”

“I’m sorry, Sir.” I breathe out. 

I see how his eyes darken at the word, Sir. Did none of it happen? The bus, all the times I laid tangled with Ben, our twins? Ben married me, didn’t he? A small part of me feels like it’s breaking. I reach up to wrap my arms around his neck, and before he can say or do anything, I press my lips to his, licking the seem of his mouth. He stiffens, I can feel his hands on my arms. Then he opens his mouth, and I feel his tongue in my mouth, twisting and wrapping itself around mine. 

I sigh, he untangles my arms from his. As the first paramedics checked my vitals, I refused to let go of Ben’s hand. A second paramedic checks over a burn on the back of Ben’s arm. I frown feeling guilty for his pain. He hurt himself rescuing me. 

They decide I need to go to the hospital, to run more test. I start to cry; I don’t want to leave without Ben. The paramedic asks him to sit in the back with me; his partner stayed to help with the wounded. 

The front of the ambulance has a small opening between the back and cab. We are in the back the ambulance alone. Ben sits holding my hand. He looks conflicted. I can’t help it. I need to tell him everything. I say to him about the forest fire and the trip down the mountain, how he made me feel the first time we had sex.   
I tell him about Snoke and the things he said to me in my dream. I watch his eyes widen in disbelief. I’m not sure if what I’m telling him is true or not.

How he trained my body to obey his commands, the art of the submission. How I crave his touch, how he knew me so well. How we loved each other.

He didn’t speak; his eyes seem to grow darker with a hunger. I tell him how I ran from him, carrying his twins, that he asked me to marry him, that he loved me. Now I’m crying because everything was just a dream an illusion my dying mind showed me. I’m feeling melancholy because I may never get my family now, no twins or pseudo parents in Leia and Han.

 

“I don’t understand it all felt so real.” I’m crying. I feel like my heart is going to break.

He takes my hand and kisses each of my knuckles, “the mind was showing you what you want most, to distract you from the trauma.”

I see my hand in his, “And what do you want, Ben.” 

I want so badly for him to want me, thinking about how he said he wanted me from the moment he saw me.

He licks his lips glancing to the front than to my eyes. “I want you, Sweetheart.”

I slip off the gurney. I’m wearing my school uniform, a white shirt and skirt both covered with soot. Ben sits back as I sink to my knees before him. We are traveling down the mountain, which I know will take at least forty-five minutes to navigate the mountain roads. He’s watching me. I unzip his pants. He helps me push his pants down enough for me to take his cock out. 

I smile, how many times have I found pleasure sucking and riding this cock? I lick the head, Ben’s hands are in my hair tugging, he hisses out a sound like I’ve struck a nerve, I fully take him in my mouth. I know this is the first time I’ve tasted him, but damn it if it doesn’t feel so right. I close my eyes. I know his taste.

“Open those eyes Sweetheart, let me see your beautiful eyes. I want to watch you suck my cock like a good girl.” I moan in agreement, I’m running my tongue and up and down his cock, caressing his balls. I suck his cock in earnest, my head bobbing on his incredible thick length, I know I’m wet and needy. 

He moans I can feel his hips twitch like he wants to buck up and fuck my mouth. “Fuck Rey, you feel so good. I’ve wanted you for so long.”

I feel the telltale twitch of his cock that he is going to come soon, but I can’t let that happen. I need to have him inside my body. I need to fuck him.

I pull his cock from my lips, kissing the head once more, and stand before him. His hands lift my skirt and pull my panties down like he’s done this before. The ambulance hits a bump, we both look toward the front but nothing. 

He runs his large hand up my inner thigh. His fingers split the lips of my sex.

“So wet, all for me, this sweet pussy is all for me,” He’s staring into my eyes, I love when he talks to me like this. I’m holding on to his shoulders as he rubs my clit, I’m doing my best not to moan too loudly. 

“In my lap, Sweetheart,” his voice a siren’s pull to my heart. 

His cock hard and wet from my lips, I straddle his lap, the position the head to the entrance of my pussy, I sink with a sigh of relief, I love how his cock stretches me I can feel every inch of him. His eyes are so dark they almost look black. 

He pulls me tight to his body, his mouth to my ear, “I’m going to fuck this tight pussy, it belongs to me now. I want you to say it.”

“I belong to you, Sir.” I shiver from his words and his body working deep in a mine.

He’s nipping my neck thrusting up into my wet needy cunt, the bounce of the ambulance aids in my fucking Ben. 

My Ben, it might have been a dream or close encounter with death’s illusion, but I know what I want, and it’s Ben Solo.

I have to bite my lip to keep from screaming out his name when I climax. It’s like seeing a starburst in front of my eyes blinding me in its brilliance, my back arches and my toes curl it feels so intense. If this is a dream, I don’t want ever to wake up.

“You love this cock, don’t you Sweetheart, tell me how much you love it.” He kisses my throat.

I look at him my body limp from my orgasm. He is everything I want in life. I wonder if we can make it work without all the drama and misunderstanding if we can love one another and be happy?

“I love you, Sir,” his eyes widen, and he smiles. I feel like my heart might burst. He pulls me into a passionate kiss, he thrust into my body and comes, I can feel his cock pulsate, filling my womb with his seed.

He kisses my chin and throat, “I’m never letting you go, you’re mine forever, Sweetheart.” He growls, kissing my neck. 

I smile, “Yes, Sir.”


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Life after the Ambulance trip

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so it got bigger than I expected

“I want your ass a little higher Ms. Niima,” his smooth deep voice moves through my body like an electrical pulse. 

My wrist and forearms are wrapped in a silky black rope. I’m on my hands and knees. My forehead is touching the carpet. I have a spreader bar placed between my ankles; this forces me to push up from my knees to the balls of my feet. 

I gasp as I feel his hand come down hard on my ass, a loud smack echo’s in my ears.  
“That’s it, Sweetheart, push that ass up for me,” He’s wearing his leather gloves, I can feel the cool leather brush over the curves of my ass. 

“So pretty,” he whispers and smacks each cheek again. 

I love the feel of his leather gloves against my skin, the cool leather on my hot spanked ass is both soothing and erotic. He slips a finger between my thighs. I want to look back, but I know I have to wait for permission.

Like a switch in my mind, I remember being in this same position before, even though this is the first time he’s tied me up. It’s like being in some weird paradox like I’ve lived two different lives at the same time. I remember everything from the time I was unconscious. 

The slap across my ass catches me off guard. I let out a surprised squeal. I was lost in thought, and he caught me spacing out again. 

He squats next to me. I can see his gloved hand on the floor in front of me, I can feel his breath on the back of my neck.

“Focus, Sweetheart, I want you here with me now.” his deep voice is laced with want and desire.

“Sorry,” I breathe out my apology. I can feel my body respond to him. Like Pavlov's Dog, all he has to do is a whisper, and I’m wet and aching for his touch.

“What do you need Sweetheart?” he’s whispering to me his hand runs up and down the inside of my leg. I want him to touch me, to fuck me with his long thick fingers wrapped in that glove, and after I’ve cum on his fingers, I want him to fuck me with his beautiful cock.

“touch me, please,” I’m trying to be good to stay; still, he has to be the one to touch me there, if I try to make him, he’ll stop and tell me next time. I can’t wait till next time I need it now.

“Oh, Sweetheart, I am touching you,” I feel his lips on my back, “I need you to be more specific.”

“I need you to touch my pussy, please I need you so badly,” I can’t help the whine in my voice it feels like forever since he’s allowed me to cum. 

“Touch your pussy? nothing else my Sweet girl?” He’s standing behind me now, his hands on my hips.

“Do you want my fingers or cock?” he’s pushing his fingers between the lips of my sex lightly brushing my clit, it’s enough to leave me moaning and begging for more. 

My brain is short-circuiting; I stutter out the first thing on my mind. “Cock, please, I want your cock.” I can feel my legs start to tremble with anticipation. He pushes his thumb inside my body. The seem of the leather glove rubs against the spot just inside that has me purring. 

He’s slowly rubbing that spot inside driving me crazy. I hear his zipper. My toes curl into the carpet when I feel him remove his thumb and push the fat head of his cock inside of me. 

“Mmmm there’s my girl,” He’s holding on to my hips fucking me from behind. I know he has to bend at the knees due to his long legs, it feels incredible the angle he is at is hitting all the right spots deep inside my vagina, the one right before my cervix, the one that has my body lit up like the 4th of July.

I can’t think about anything else but the sound of our bodies crashing into one another, our moans of pleasure. How much I love being fucked by him. How much I love him. 

I feel like we are one soul split between two bodies. My climax is met by his. I can feel him spill deep in my body. I know when the time is right, we will have our twins. I’m on birth control, for now, we talked about children, so it’s not a surprise that he wants kids. More to the point he wants kids with me, this warms my heart to hear him say things like this. He reassures me he loves me.

He takes his time untying me, he’s taken his gloves off, and his hands feel so warm. His lips and tongue followed the trail left by the rope. He seems to love taking care of me. Whether he was rough or gentle, he likes to wash my body or massage out any sore muscles. 

After my bath and he’s drying and kissed I think every square inch of my body I climb into his king size bed, we fall asleep wrapped around one another like a pair of snakes seeking out warmth. 

It’s only been a little less than three weeks since the school burned down, but it feels like someone pushed fast forward, and here I am in a secret relationship with my professor. We both agreed to keep it under wraps till I graduate, it would be unethical for Ben to be in a relationship with a student. 

Leia did open a new school. Ben got me a part-time job helping out with lower classmates studies. 

We’ve both talked about what we want out of our relationship. I was happy to find that Ben was still my Ben. He wanted us, each touch or look me, reassures me that what we have is special. 

Ben shared with me his time at the school with Snoke. He confided with me the events of that night that changed his life. He’s convinced that we are soulmates, that the universe showed me everything because we belonged together!

It’s been hard not telling Finn everything that happened. I know he would keep our secret. Since Ben saved me, Finn is a Ben fan which is lovely this go around they get along, and I know once Ben, and I go public that Finn will be there to support us. 

My life is perfect.

 

It’s now been three years since the school burnt to the ground, I confessed my love for Ben, and we went public at my graduation much to the dismay of Leia, Han and Ben’s uncle Luke. Finn and Rose were shocked but happy for us. I was fucking thrilled as hell to bury my tongue down Ben’s throat in front of Bazine and told her to suck it right after the kiss.

Ok, so it’s not all flowers and sunshine, because I’m still Ben and I is still Ben. We have been engaged since I graduated, much to Ben’s protest he wanted to get married right after I graduated. We belong together, I know, and we will get married, but I want to finish college first. 

I want our children to know it’s ok to put themselves first to strive to complete their goals. Ok I’m scared shitless, not about being married to Ben he is the only man I want, and fuck do I want him. He’s like crack to my addict. I don’t want to tell him I’m scared because the last time we got married, I almost died. 

It’s crazy, I know; it’s just I don’t want to leave him ever again. What if this is like Groundhog Day and each time I go to get married, I have to start over again? What if next time I come back, Ben doesn’t want me? Fucking crazy paradox has me freaked out. 

Then it happens, I wake up one morning and have to run to the bathroom to throw up. Fate has shifted the cards and is forcing my hand. Ben is hot on my heels, holding my hair back, touching my throat for fever. It’s not a fever when I sit on the bathroom floor and burst out crying. Ben holds me tells me it’s ok, he’s where he will take care of me. 

I know he will he always does; he helps me off the floor, and I brush my teeth. He’s watching my expression in the mirror; he knows me better than anyone else on the planet. It’s like we have a link, a bond that lets us know what the other is feeling sometimes thinking. 

His handsome face breaks out in a broad smile, “You’re pregnant.”

I wash my mouth out, set the toothbrush down and turn to look at him, “I’m scared.” in a shaky whisper, I confess, tears fall from my cheeks. 

He looks like his heart is breaking, tears welled up in his eyes. “I’m here, Sweetheart.” He wraps me up in his arms.

“What if..” my voice is breaking now, “what if we get married and it happens again? What if this is a dream or I’m dying, and you don’t save me?”

Ben is shaking his head, “no Sweetheart, I won’t let it happen. You are safe. I’m not fucking letting you go!”

I have to smile; he’s said it with such conviction that the universe would be too afraid to cross him.

He walks us back to our bed, I climb in, and he follows, he holds me in his arms. I fall asleep to him telling me all the wonderful things we are going to do, buy a house, decorate the twin’s bedrooms. It’s all so lovely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is the thing about taking a break from writing for me; getting back to writing has to be a bitch. I hate taking the time I've taken, but such is life. I hope you've enjoyed the story so far. If there is a story I haven't reposted, let me know, and I'll put it back up!!


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is the end of this story, I hope you've enjoyed it. thank you to everyone that has taken the time to read this, whether you just read it, left me a kudos or a comment. You are the reason I reposted and finished the story. Thank you all.

Leia and Han and even Luke have since warmed up to the idea of Ben and I being together. According to Leia, Ben is less moody and enjoyable to be around. I know she loves him, and he loves her, they still fight.

I’m nervous, Ben is nervous, but we agreed that once I was pregnant, we’d let his parents know. Easier said than done. We are at Han and Leia’s apartment; it’s a beautiful three-bedroom apartment, and I know one room will soon be redone from a guest room to the children’s room. I have to smile until I see Leia staring at me.

 

I’m starting to think Leia is psychic. I see her look at Ben then back to me, “What’s going on?”

Ben looks at me then his mom, my stomach is in knots and I think I’m going to throw up. I'm stupid, I know, I mean I feel it in my bones they are going to be happy. But damn it if I’m not nervous.

“Rey’s pregnant,” Ben’s voice is quiet, but it fills the room. 

Han turned from pouring himself a drink to look at me, a look of shock, “I thought you were on birth control.”

I know he doesn’t mean anything by it, but I’m in tears, damn hormones. 

“Fuck, Dad,” Ben yells at his father and pulls me into his arms.

“I didn’t mean…”Han stutters, “I’m happy, Leia…”

Leia is hugging both Ben and me, “Shut up, Han,” she growls out.

I take a peek up from Ben’s chest to see a defeated Han, he sets the glass down and walks over to the family hug. 

He hugs us all, “I’m sorry Kid, I was caught off guard, I’m happy.” I can see the remorse in his eyes that he hurt my feelings.

I sniff back my tears, “it’s ok, Grandpa.”

Han groans, “I need a drink.”

After the big surprise, we sit down for dinner, then what I feared most popped up.

“So, when are you two going to get married?” Leia looked between Ben and me.

Ben looks over at me, “We haven't discussed this yet.” he takes my hand in his, I can see in his eyes that he will do whatever I’m comfortable with and defend my choice to anyone that has a problem with it. God, do I love him. 

I have to be brave; I have to believe that it’s all going to be ok. “I want to get married before the babies are born.”

“Babies?” both Han and Leia repeat the word at the same time. Fuck I didn’t mean to let that slip. I’m pretty sure both Leia and Han would want to have my head checked if I told them about the previous life we lived while I was busy dying. 

“I mean baby, or babies I mean twins run in your family after all Leia.” I try my best to fix my oops.

she smiles, “they do, I think it would be wonderful if you have twins.” Leia is beaming. She makes my heart pound in my chest because I know every question or concern I have Leia will be there to help me. Sometimes it’s nice to have someone that has been there done that to help. 

The next month it feels like Han and Leia have practically moved in with us, one or both show up at our door in the morning. Ben and I are both a little overwhelmed but in the right way. Years Ben had grown up with his parents fighting like it was their second job, now they are loving and helpful. Well ok, so they still get on Ben’s nerves because he can’t help himself.

Leia and Rose have taken it on themselves to plan my wedding. It feels strange not having Billie or Joe apart of my life. I mean I don’t know if they exist or not but I’m pretty sure that if I called out west, I’d find out. I want too, but I’m terrified that if I do it will hit the reset button, crazy right?

We find a dress its not the same affair as the last time. It was only Leia, Rose and me. It’s okay doesn’t make it any less unique it’s a beautiful ivory Mermaid Off-the-Shoulder Court Train Tulle Wedding Dress with Beading Sequins. I’m less than two month’s pregnant, so I still have my figure.

I had never considered myself beautiful, not the way Ben makes me out to be. But this dress makes me smile and feel the way Ben sees me. 

Leia calls me one morning insisting she has to show me this church. I’ve never been particular where we had the wedding until she shows me the most beautiful church. It’s nestled in the woods surrounded by a garden of roses. It’s something out of a dream. I want my memories to be here. When Ben and I become man and wife, the only problem is the date, February 29th. The place is booked for the next two years!

I don’t want to wait two years, and I don’t want my wedding anywhere else, I feel it in my bones this is where we get married. Ben could care less, what day or place He tells me he’d marry me in line at McDonald's if I am his wife. 

Leia reminded me more than once that February 29th comes every four years. Somehow this seems fitting, I mean our lives have been anything but ordinary. Instead, our relationship started in the back of a bus or the back of an ambulance. It’s not how most couples start. 

The closer to our wedding date, the more I start to panic. Ben is there to comfort me; I know stress is not suitable for the babies I try to stay calm. But some mornings I wake with the taste of ash in my mouth. I’m not religious by any means, I try not to focus on what it could mean, but I pray it’s just my nerves. 

I ran into an old rabbi while I was at the supermarket. I had not fainted in this life, but while looking at the tomatoes I felt off, then I was out. When I woke up, I felt someone hold my hand, a little older man. He had placed his satchel under my head.

When I looked up at him, he smiled. “Oi young one, a start you gave this old heart.” 

There was a store manager or someone next to him, he’s telling me they called an ambulance. Ben had dropped me off and would be back shortly to pick me up. 

“My husband is waiting for me,” I try to get up, the old man holds onto my hand.

“Rest,” he says, I can’t help but nod tears weld up in my eyes, this is how it started last time, the fainting.

“It will be ok, He..” the old man nods up to the heavens, “has a path laid out for each of us.”

I don’t know how long I had been out, but I hear heavy footsteps and then Ben kneels beside me his hands on my face. 

“Sweetheart are you alright, what happened?” there is panic in his voice, the look in his eyes tells me he’s worried as well, I know he is thinking the same thing I’m thinking, wondering if this is the start. It’s both sweet and heartbreaking. 

“I’m ok, I just fainted.” my voice is weak and trembling. I know he can hear my fear. 

The old man reaches across to touch Ben’s arm, “They will be fine, she needs to rest and stop worrying,”

Ben and I both look at him. How? 

Ben looks shocked; he holds his hand out, “Ben Solo.”

The old man smiles, “Rabbi Yoder.”

That’s when I feel it or understand it, the universe, God a force has been leading me to Ben. No matter what happens, it will be ok. 

The paramedics show up they ask questions to take my vitals; I tell them I’m a couple of months pregnant they insist that I go to the hospital to be checked out even though I feel fine. Ben kisses my forehead and tells me to be good and go with the paramedics he’ll be close behind. 

Ben is there as they pull me out of the ambulance, they run all sorts of a test I’m fine. Stressed out and tired the doctor is ordering bed rest at least for the next couple of days.

Ben is with me when they roll in the ultrasound to make sure everything is fine with the babies. The déjà vu is intense when she smears the cold gel on my flat tummy. The tech said they don’t usually hear the babies heartbeat till eight weeks, so not to worry if we don’t hear anything. 

The moment the wand touches my belly, I hear it; Ben’s eyes go wide makes me smile. 

The tech grins, “Well there is the baby’s heartbeat,” she moves the wand and a second joins the first.

She laughs, “congratulations, it’s twin….” she stops and looks at the screen. She looks at us, with a shit-eating grin, “I mean triplets.”

“WHAT?” Ben and I both spit out. 

Ha, ha, a universe like what the ever-loving fuck? I look at Ben, and he’s grinning. Of course, he is, he’s not the one carrying a litter. He’s covering my face with kisses, how can I stay mad at him, even though I’m confident it is his fault. 

Today’s modern medicine has come a long way for maternity care, but there is still a risk. I know that Ben is going to be insufferable. I know that he’s going to watch me like a hawk. 

It’s nice to have someone care about me, pamper me like I was the most important person in their life. He makes me smile because I guess if I'm honest, I am. We talk about what happened at the supermarket and decide that we will tell Han and Leia about the triplets but not what happened. 

Sitting at dinner with Leia and Han is nerve-racking, Ben is telling them about hearing our children’s heartbeats for the first time, how amazing it is.  
Leia smiles and lays her hand on top of mine, “Rey, dear, you look tired, I’m going to send the leftovers home with you, so you don’t have to cook.” 

I feel myself start to tear up. I’m not sure why damn hormones. Leia gets up and hugs me. She reassures me that it will be ok, they will be there for us every step of the way. I can see Ben staring at me, love, concern, and worry all of it I can see in those big brown eyes.

I’m sitting in the car I’m nervous about what I have to tell him, tomorrow I have midterms, and I know Ben is not going to be happy, “I’ve got class tomorrow.” I didn’t have to look at him to know what he would say. I heard it in his long sigh.

I chew on my bottom lip; I don’t want to fight, but I need to take my midterms. I’ll be more stressed if I miss them and have to make them up.

“Fine, I’m coming with you tomorrow.” his tone said it wasn’t up for debate.

I smiled and looked at him, he had a frown on his handsome face, when he turned to look at me, his glare softened, “I don’t want you to be alone,” his tone was gentle almost pleading.

I reached over and touched his leg, “I know.”

Ben still taught at Leia prep school, so getting time off was not a problem. He sat outside the class work reading The Watcher by Dean Knootz. I remembered watching the movies as a kid. Ben insists the book is much better. I promised him after my classes are over, and I have free time. I will read it. 

Ben follows me everywhere, to class, to the coffee shop; I had to stop him at the women’s bathroom on campus. Two more days of test and I can rest, so can Ben. Our wedding is at the end of the week, so we are cutting everything close. 

 

My test goes well; my classes are over till next semester, now all I have to worry about is the wedding. Between Leia and Rose, everything is taken care of, the flowers and invitations, the food you name it they took care of it. I love them. They love me. It’s taken me a long time to accept that I was worthy of love. Ben has been the biggest reason I’m happy and scared shitless.

We have the rehearsal dinner at one of the finer restaurants in town. It’s a small affair. The wedding party consist of Ben and I. Rose is my maid of honor and Finn, Hux is going to be Ben’s best man, he’s the closest thing Ben has to a best friend. Hux’s amazon of a girlfriend Phasma is going to be a bridesmaid and Finn a Groomsmen. 

I’ve gotten to know Hux a little better, he’s ok he still seems to have a stick up his ass sometimes but then again who doesn’t get a couple of drinks into Phasma, and it’s a party. 

Luke will give me away; we have a good relationship he’s weird and funny, so he fits in nicely. He never married or had children. Ben tells me at one time he had someone. Everyone knew they would get married and have children the whole picture.

He loved Mara, one night she was involved in an accident, and she died. Luke was never the same. I feel sad for him to have lost the love of his life. I couldn’t imagine losing Ben. 

Tomorrow is the wedding; I go through the rehearsals with a smile on my face. The only person that knows what I’m going through is Ben. I can tell by how he is holding himself he’s nervous as fuck as well. It will be alright I keep chanting in my head. 

Leia insists that I stay with her, Rose and Phasma at her apartment. The guys will be at our house. I want to enjoy my night with the ladies. I push my fears as far back as I can. Ben has texted me three times telling me he loves me, that it will be alright.

Leia, Rose, and Phasma fuss over me, I’m dressed in this beautiful gown, Rose and Phasma do my make-up, Leia does my hair in a loose braid she puts baby’s breaths flowers in my hair. I fight to keep from crying, damn hormones. 

Luke shows up at the apartment. He looks handsome in his tux. Ben came from a long line of beautiful people. I can’t help but wonder who I came from? 

It will always be a mystery something I’ll pass down to my children, and I hate it. I can’t think about this shit not now, not when I’m so close to tying the knot with Ben.

Here we are at the back of this gorgeous church my hands are sweaty, my stomach in knots. 

Luke holds my hand, “You look beautiful, I want you to know that I’m so glad you and Ben found each other. You balance him. You make him happy.”

I look into Luke’s blue eyes; I can see the love he has for his family. I can’t help the tear that rolls down my cheek.

“Thank you,” I mumble.

Luke smiles, making the corner of his eyes crinkle, he wipes the tear away. “We all love you, Rey, please don’t cry Leia will kill me.” he hugs me.

I can’t help but laugh cause it’s true Leia would kill him. I hear the music start to play this is it. It’s done or die. Ugh, why did I think that Luke is holding my arm, I’ve got a death grip on his? 

“Ready?” he whispers.

I nod, we step out I can see Ben, he’s so handsome, I’m so damn lucky. I can hear my heart pounding in my chest. Luke and I stop in front of the Preacher and Ben. It’s good so far. 

“Who gives this woman away?” The Preacher asks.

“I do,” Luke leans in and kisses my cheek, “good luck Kid,” he whispers before turning and leaving me with Ben. 

The rest of the ceremony is a blur he says his I do, and I say mine, then the Preacher tells Ben he can kiss his bride, me I want to cry because I’m still here. 

The kiss, oh man, that kiss. Hot enough to melt steel, the way he molded his body to mine, his lips soft and plush. I think I’ve forgotten how to breathe. The world fell away, and it was just us, the way it’s meant to be. When we finally parted, we both had to catch our breath.

“Hello Mrs. Solo,” Ben grinned as he tested out my new name. 

“Hello, Mr. Solo,” I can’t wait to get him alone.

Everyone is having a good time. I’m glad to see my family and friends enjoying themselves. But tonight, is my wedding night and I have some very important business to take care of, namely getting down and dirty with my husband?

We hug and kiss everyone goodbye, tomorrow we fly out to the Fiji Islands for our honeymoon. 

Our sex life has been anything but boring, even in my dream life, it was amazing. I love how dominating he is. The freedom to submit sexually to the man I love is fantastic. But after the fainting and the discovery of another baby has put a damper on our sex life. 

Ben handles me as if I were made of glass. He is careful and attentive when I want him to be rough and fuck me like it’s his last day on earth. The way he touches me is gentle and sweet, and I understand him being afraid, I’m worried as well. But come our wedding night, he better be ready.

He closes the front door to our house, and I’m all over him.

“Whoa Sweetheart,” Ben laughs.

I shake my head, “No, I want you,” I purr while trying to work the buckle of his belt. 

Ben laughs, “You’ll have me, Sweetheart,” he bends down and kisses me, his hands on the back of my head, his other hand on my stomach as if to protect the life that is there.

I bit hold onto his bottom lip and pull back not hard enough to hurt him but enough to let him know I mean business. 

“I need you to fuck me, Sir.” I purr into his ear.

His pupils are blown, his beautiful amber colored eyes are now almost black and burning with desire. I smile this is who I wanted to show up on my wedding night. 

I kiss his neck and whisper in his ear, “I’m not made of glass,” I draw back and smile as I walk to the bedroom his hand in mine. 

We manage to get my dress off without fucking it up; I’m amazed at this man’s restraint. I’m stripped down to my thong and thigh stockings; I’m lying on the bed watching him strip out of his clothes. He’s going one button at a time; he’s making me wait.

I’m wet and needy. This is his way of getting me, so worked up that simple touch, and I’m about out of my mind.

“You look fucking beautiful waiting for me Sweetheart,” he’s pulling down his pants his cock hard pressed against the black boxers he has on. 

My mouth is watering, and I’m dying for him to touch me. I bite my bottom lip and spread my legs for him. My fingers run down my belly to my wet center. His eyes follow my hand, the moment my hand touches between my legs, his large hand grabs mine. 

“Tsk, tsk needy girl, that is mine.” he rubs a thick finger over the silky material of my thong, he is pushing the wet silk between the folds of my sex, I can’t help the whine and moans. My back arches when he rubs my clit. 

“Please,” I moan.

“Shh it’s ok Sweetheart I’ve got you,” he pulls my thong down, leaving me exposed to him. He lowers his head and kisses my cunt. His lips on my waxed smooth skin feel like a promise. Before I know it he’s devouring me, his tongue pushes into my sex. I’m crying. It feels so good. I’m trying my best to put together a coherent sentence. 

“Yes, God, Yes.. love,” is all I can say.

I feel him push a thick finger into my cunt, “ Baby you taste divine,” He goes back to lapping at my slit. My fingers are tangled in his hair, pulling his wicked mouth to my cunt.   
More, my mind and body both cry for more, “Fuck me, Ben, Please.” I’m begging him now. I’m close to coming to my body is tense my spine feels like a bowstring pulled taut to release its arrow. Like a Marksman, he pushes another finger into my cunt and curls his fingertips till I feel myself snap. My orgasm leaves me, singing his praise. I’m loose and pliable to his needs. 

He kisses up my body, taking his time to lavish kisses over each of my breast teasing my nipples till they are hard peaks. He pushes into my body, at first he’s holding my hips. I can’t help the little moaning grunts each time he slams into my body. The feel of his cock stretching me to fit him is amazing. 

He pulls my hands above my head; he likes holding me down and fucking me into submission. This is what my body has been craving. He’s kissing and proclaiming his undying love for me.

If I died and this is my afterlife, I’ll happily accept my fate. 

Our bodies are attuned to one another, like the ocean and moon, I feel the pull, the tides of desire flow through my veins, I feel my orgasm crash leaving me boneless under my love. His hips pound against mine as he chases his release. I can feel him come. It feels like he has claimed me, I smile and kiss him. I’m all his. 

We lay breathless holding onto one another. His smile reflects my own, “that was amazing, Mr. Solo.”

He nuzzles my neck, “with you Sweetheart. It’s always amazing.”

The honeymoon was fun. Ben lightened up once he realized that I am going to be ok. 

We fell into a routine; he went back to teaching, and I went back to school. 

It’s been five months since we got married. We’ve been talking baby names; well I mean everyone has been talking baby names. We have three to consider, after the third ultrasound, it looks like we are going to have two boys and a girl. 

I’m not a fan of matching names, no Bill, Billy and Becky’s. I want each kid to have their own identity. I’m also not a fan of Juniors which Ben is thankfully more than ok not to give our kids his name. Ben has family names. I have no one really that I can draw from, so we forego the family names as well. We finally agree on three names. 

Ben was at work when I got home from my classes, being seven months pregnant is tiring as hell. I’ve taken to coming home and take a nap. I don’t know how long I had been asleep, but I woke up to an excruciating cramp like I was being torn in half. It’s dark in my room so it’s later than six I’d wager. 

“Ben,” I yell out his name hoping like hell he is home, I stop and inhale trying to catch my breath. 

I can feel the bed is wet. Fuck I’m in labor. 

“BEN,” I’m crying not sure if he is home or not, I hear someone running for the door. 

Leia is at my side, holding my hand. She looks scared and excited, “It’s going to be ok, Dear.”

She’s calling an ambulance; Ben is still at the school because tonight is parent-teacher night. 

Leia has a key to the house, but it didn’t explain why she was here. 

“Why are you here?” I had to ask, not that I’m not happy as fuck that she is here. But, strangely, of all nights, she should show up like this.

She smiled and shrugged, “I don’t know I felt like I had to be here, so here I am.” 

She helps me out of my wet clothes and into a loose-fitting nightgown. I’m so happy not sitting in wet clothes. I’m trying to stay calm, another cramp hit, and I can’t help but scream. Leia is holding my hand, telling me to breathe. 

She has her cell phone, she’s calling Ben for me, “I need you to go to the hospital,” She looks at me, I can hear Ben.  
“She’s in labor.” I can hear Ben’s voice but not understand what he’s saying.

“No Ben there isn’t time, just go to the hospital the ambulance is already on its way.”  
Leia stands to nod like Ben could see her; I have to smile because I’ve seen him do the same thing. 

“Call your father for me,” she smiles, “no it’s ok I’m here she’s ok. I love you, please don’t kill yourself getting to the hospital, ok yes ok bye Ben.” Leia pats my hand. 

“thank you,” I whisper. 

It’s been about ten minutes since Leia called for an ambulance, they are in my room taking my vitals and getting me ready to go to the hospital. I’m scared, fuck I’m so tired of being afraid, but this is new territory I have nothing to fall back on how it went the first time because we didn’t get to this point.   
I want Ben; he needs to be here. Leia holds my hand till they put me in the ambulance, there isn’t room for her to get in, she promises me that she will be right behind us. We are almost to the hospital when the paramedic declares the first baby is crowning. 

As insane as it sounds, I want to close my legs and keep them safely in my womb. But Solo’s are thick head and demand to have their way. The first born is one of the boys, he’s small, but he’s screaming which is the sweetest sound I’ve ever heard. 

The paramedic lays him on my chest. I’m crying and holding my son for dear life. Thankfully we are at the hospital. They pull me out and start wheeling me down the corridor when I hear Ben screaming my name. 

A nurse stops him as they take me into one of the rooms. I can hear him argue with them. “That’s my wife,” I hear him roar. 

I think I hear Leia. I’m not sure. The doctor is there checking me. A nurse takes my son and promises to return him once they have him clean. 

A few minutes later, a nurse leads Ben into the room he’s in scrubs. He looks a wreck. I want to laugh so happy he is there with me, but the labor pains are tearing me apart — this time, I have Ben to hold my hand. After an hour, our three children are born. I’m worn out, and Ben looks happy and tired as well.

Ben is sitting in a chair next to me when Leia and Han come in to visit. I only got to hold each child for a minute before they were taken to the NICU, being two months preemie warrants a stay in the neonatal unit. The babies were big for 30 weeks, more than 4 lbs. 

The doctor was sure that if they had gone full term, they would have been more then 9lbs each. 

Han smiles, “How are you feeling Kid?”

“Ok, for having just pushed out three kids,” I laughed, I’m tired and want to go to sleep.

Han looks at Ben, “So, what did you decide to name them?”

He smiled and looks at me. I nod for him to tell them. 

“Well, we decided we like, Harrison for the first boy, Carrie, for our daughter and Mark for our other son.” Ben grins holding my hand. 

Leia smiles, “I love those names.”

We were able to take our children home after a week. We’ve adjusted to the chaos we call our life. I might have started in life unwanted and unloved, but life as more than made it up to me.


End file.
